


Tied to you

by I_am_the_trash_queen9478



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha!Kylo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanart, Force Bond (Star Wars), HEA, I Am Sorry, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Knotting, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Omega Verse, Omega!Rey, Porn With Plot, Scenting, Secret Lovers, Secret Relationship, Size Difference, Size Kink, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, This is a very slow burn fic, beta tranformation to omega, fanart: chapter 10!, first heat, like seriously so much plot, the force wants them to fuck, they dont know they're in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2020-06-09 21:11:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19484122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_the_trash_queen9478/pseuds/I_am_the_trash_queen9478
Summary: For months, since he combed through her mind on Starkiller, they had felt a strange pull towards one another. Fighting it only made the bond stronger; in a moment of frustration, Rey and Kylo decide to give it what it wants and allow themselves to be pulled together. They only wanted to find out how to control it, now everything has changed and they don't know how much longer they can keep fighting this feeling, this heat, between them.What could possibly go wrong when the Alpha Ben Solo and newly changed Omega Rey are tied together, in more ways than one?





	1. so easily compromised

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so I'd love some feedback on how I can improve!

“Concentrate Rey; drown out your thoughts. Feel the force” the rough voice of Luke cut through the crisp air of Ahch-to, blending with the jagged sound of waves crashing against the rocky cliff face. She pushed through, feeling out for the tendrils of the force, allowing herself to seep into it; but a familiar feeling began creeping in. Heavy, dark and laden with _Alpha_ it started to reach out to her, creeping its way around and weaving through her body, she could practically hear him breathing. _Kylo_ she thought, scolding herself for making it sound too soft, too hopeful. It rang through the thick fog surrounding her, growing dimmer like an echo as it passed the accidental message to him. She shifted her crossed legs slightly, willing herself to push him away and find the brightness, the force untouched by Kylo Ren. Screwing up her face slightly and hoping Luke wouldn't see her struggle, she tried her best to clear herself of his fog, sweeping away his reaching force and unweaving his touch. _Little dessert rat, did you call just to fight?_ she heard it clear as day, his dark voice in her mind, she pulled herself out of the mediation quickly, away from the force, dipping her ear to her shoulder as if it had been the one to catch his words. She was glad she was a beta, shuddering to think what that display would have done to an omega.

“I’m sorry Master Luke, it’s just harder than I thought it would be. Every time I connect with the force it just gets-" “I know Rey, the force comes to us all differently, it takes time finding our pull. And it can’t be easy after that asshole got in your head before you had time to train. Go get some rest we can try again later, but I expect you to work on stances later today” He stood stiffly, stretching as he went. Rey could tell he needed time to think, he had grown tired, the lines on his face a little deeper since she had started training with him. He felt guilt, anyone could see it, for leaving for Ben, for what had happened; it was strange to see him like this, the beta that had brought down the empire, the legend she had grown up hearing about, seem so small. He gave her a firm pat on her shoulder and started making his way down the rocky path.

She remained seated, letting her eyes focus on the ocean and the colours that danced on the surface, reflecting the setting sun. She absent-mindedly played with the ear Kylo’s voice had rung through and huffed. It had been months since her interrogation with Kylo Ren and somehow she could still feel him as if he was still combing through her mind, only this felt more like he had carved a place out just for himself over the weeks. She had hoped training with Luke would make her mind stronger, make her connection to the Light, the Jedi, more tangible and easier to grasp, but it felt more like she was being pulled between the two sides. She dropped her hand from her ear and ran it along the top of her head, brushing back the wisps that had escaped her half up/down hair and rolled herself onto her feet to stand. She would find a way to control this, she would find a way to win, she would make sure that bastard paid for what he had done to the galaxy; she promised herself this as she made her way back to her hut. 

****************************

Kylo sat back in his chair and squirmed, barely listing to Hux as he barked out strategy and updates on inane quadrants they had overtaken in the last months. He had been buzzing since he felt her reaching through the force, calling his name like a whisper, he didn't mean to get sucked in so easily but it felt beyond his control when he felt her reaching out. Since he had captured her and shuffled through her mind, he found it was hard to escape it, a connection had formed and little by little the bond had grown stronger, much to his displeasure. A supreme leader shouldn’t be so easily compromised by an untrained rebel brat, he had trained most of his life to be attached to nothing feel remorse for no-one, and yet here he was strangely tethered to this nobody of a girl. He found himself opening to her in moments of weakness, reaching out to her, feeling for her force nearby. They both knew there was something strange about their connection, it felt inevitable, ineffable, the more they tried to deny it the deeper it appeared to get. She thought it was Kylo trying to infect her with the darkness she believed he was made from, but he knew better. This was strange and new, it didn't feel cold and dark like the sith, or blinding and scalding to the touch like the light, it felt deliciously grey, comfortable and easy, and he wanted to hate it. Kylo rolled the feeling around in his head, feigning concentration while Hux made his painfully long concluding remarks. He hoped she was tired tonight, too exhausted to dream, to pull him in, to remind him of his weakness. 

“-lo” a voice cut through his concentration. 

“Kylo?” Hux asked again curtly. Kylo forced his eyes and mind to refocus on the dark room and the officials all staring at him from their spots on the glossy table. He stood grabbing his mask from in front of him and sliding it back on “that all seems fine” he said through the voice modulator and began striding out of the room while Hux called after him in a frustrated tone. He couldn't stand to be in that room for another minute, not while the little scavenger rat was swimming around in his head.


	2. give into it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo try giving the force what it wants with mixed results.

Rey lay awake in the dark hut, sore from the day's work. After her mediation session with Luke, she found it hard to sleep, worrying if Kylo was still close by. It had been a problem in the past months, their connection was growing stronger and she hated it; she hated how she couldn't stop it, how every time she thought she was gaining ground she could feel him more, how it seemed easier for him to get into her head, she was even starting to hate sleeping. On Jakku, sleep had been a solace for her, where she could escape her dreadful life and find better ones, with parents and stability and love, but ever since Kylo, her dreams were infected. He wrapped his way around them, she could feel him beside her on her adventures, faces always melded into his. On a few embarrassing occasions, Rey had caught herself dreaming of his lips, her hand in his silky raven hair, his alpha scent wrapping its way around them as their bodies followed suit. She blushed and covered her face in her hands, willing her self to come back down to reality, lying on the too thin mattress of her hut in the damp air. 

If she was being completely honest with herself, she didn't actually hate the fact that he was there in her mind, or dreams, or around her in the force. She was unsure if he actually snuck into her or if he started there as part of her own imagination and he, the real him, just stepped into whatever world or position she placed them in. “Urgh,” she groaned, frustrated at her weak tired brain for allowing those thoughts to creep back in. She was part of the resistance, of the only hope the galaxy had left. _You can’t go there, not with him, you can't do that to Poe, or Finn, or Han, or Leia_ she let their faces flash in her mind, strengthening her resolve. Her shoulders relaxed into the mattress as she felt the conflict lessen, she knew why she was here and it certainly wasn't for…. _him_ (she wasn't ready to risk saying his name in her mind again). Sleep started to creep into her bones, weighing her eyelids down and allowing the day to slip into memory; the small fire flickered and cracked singing to her as she drifted off.

********************

She felt it before she knew what was happening, his tendrils reaching out to her through the force. It felt like a summer breeze, calming and welcome, nothing like how she thought the dark side would feel: it unnerved her how much she enjoyed that feeling. It rattled her awake, he was in her mind already, unashamed at the complete disregard for her privacy, _typical alpha_ Rey said with as much disdain as her tired mind could muster.

_I was only following your lead beta, I was sound asleep in my own bed until I felt you pulling me here_ he said it cooly, not giving away whether or not he enjoyed being here, making her uncomfortable in her own skin. She blushed a little, unsure if he was telling the truth, and praying to God if he was that it was one of her harmless dreams of him. 

_Why can’t you just refuse next time? We are supposed to be enemies remember, what use does it do, you slipping into my head? Except maybe to make sure I'm constantly sleep deprived._ Rey spat it out, pulling the blanket farther up her body, trying to feel an inch of cover from him. 

_It’s not really something I can control, and I think you know that_ Kylo’s voice sounded irritated, _Why don't you stop calling me every time you decide you’re too lonely-_

_That's not the reason Kylo! I wish I could turn it off, to push you out but you’re just too…_ ** _there_** _!_ Rey was on her feet pacing the small hut, clamping her hands down on her skull, as if it would shield her from him. She could feel him trying to calm himself, lowering his aggression, what did he have to be angry about? She was the one being invaded by him constantly. 

_Why don't we try something different? This…thing isn't getting any easier, and pushing against it has only served to make it stronger, somehow._ His voice was measured, he had thought about this before, he was just trying to get the words out properly. She was weary of it, this new common ground they were approaching, but if it meant being able to get her brain back she was willing to at least hear him out. _And your point?_ she asked, a little softer than before. 

_Force bonds are rare, there isn't much in the texts that explain why they happen but almost every scrap of information states that the_ ** _force_** _is what is pushing the affected parties together._ He allowed a beat to pass before continuing, making sure she was still listening. _It’s not something you can fight…_ She could feel him waiting for her. _I’m saying we should try to follow it, lean into it._ Kylo huffed out the explanation, aggravated she couldn't put two and two together on her own. Rey’s pacing halted, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. _You want us to lean into it? How could I possibly trust that-_

_I don’t like the idea that much either. I can't trust you won’t try something stupid but it’s better than invading each other's minds uncontrollably. I’d rather at least try to figure this out, even if that means I can just decide when you’re allowed in my head._ Rey could hear his anger bubble up as spat out the last words. She bristled at the tone, more out of habit than anything. She actually agreed with him, it would be nice to not be on edge 24/7, it got tiring constantly being worried when he would show up. She hadn't had a shower that took longer than three minutes since the connection was established, much less any other desperately needed personal time (which could explain the more, unsavoury, dreams). A sigh escaped her mouth as she squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for her next move; _So, how do you suppose we go about this?_

_***************************_

The fire was burning down to embers and the damp night air was causing a slight shiver in Rey. She sat on the floor cross-legged, slipping into her meditation. _Now when you’re ready, reach out to me, don't fight it._ She felt unnerved at how intimate it felt, allowing herself to put down her guards and just let him in. _When we…connect, try to shut me out. Maybe the bond will be easier to control if we have a better understanding of what it is or how strong._ She could tell he was only partly speaking to her, he was rationalizing, trying to understand himself. She couldn't help but sympathize, she had felt the pull to him for months, it drained her to fight it, and more than once she had asked what could be the harm of just letting herself go. _It would be easier to start this if I wasn't being distracted_ , she allowed herself a quick quip as she eased further into it. She straightened her back and focused in on the bond, it wasn't hard she quickly realized. It felt like diving into cool water, it surrounded her and cradled every inch of her, she could feel it start to ebb through her, her blood felt charged with it. It felt right, she noticed, like she had been fighting destiny and she was finally where she needed to be, she took a deep breath in trying to calm herself, only to be assaulted with an intoxicating scent. It was like cedar smoke and rainy forests; it smelled torrential and lush, so different than the sand and dry heat she grew up with. She couldn't help but drink it in, getting drunk off the aroma assaulting her. She fluttered her eyelids open trying to pull herself from this stupor. 

In the soft glow of the waining fire, her eyes focused in on a white chest, splattered with constellations in the form of moles marking the toned abdomen, breathing deeply. Rey was unsure if she was hallucinating as she raked her eyes upward to settle on the dark eyes and raven hair she had come to know. Sitting directly in front of her was Kylo Ren, shirtless and boring into her with a strained and confused expression. “What the fuck?” it sounded like it was in the room not just in her head, she snapped out of her trance. Everything was hitting her a little harder than she could handle; Kylo Ren, leader of the first order, was sitting topless in front of her, in her small hut, bathing the room in a scent that was making it hard for Rey to concentrate on anything but him. 

“Is this-was this supposed to happen? Are you actually here?” _and why aren't you wearing any clothes?!_ Rey managed to keep her voice as level as possible, though it was a little more breathy that she would have liked. Was he even on suppressants? She was a beta and she could practically taste him. It would make sense for Snoke’s golden boy to try to be as alpha and intimidating as possible but _damn,_ how could anyone do anything with him around, polluting the air so heavily with _him_?

“I don’t fucking know like I said there isn't much written about… _this_ ” he shook his head slightly, ripping his eyes away from her and favouring, instead, the ceiling. He jumped a little at a non-existent bump behind him and looked briefly over his shoulder. “How did this happen? how are you on my ship?” his voice dropped to a whisper. Rey cocked her head quizzically, “I’m not, How are you in my room?” Kylo’s eyes found her again as they stared equally confused, waiting for one of them to find the answer. 

“What do you see? Is it just me can you see anything at all around me?” Rey waved her hands in light circles in front of her. 

“No, just you” he sounded oddly soft, almost cooing. “Uh, I’m assuming it’s the same for you? Just me, sitting like I'm there?” he picked up a scrap of fabric from beside him to illustrate his point. 

Rey blushed deeply and turned her eyes to her lap “I mean I did see those, but other than that yes”. 

Kylo glanced at his hand, realizing he had just picked up his underwear and waved them in front of her. He inwardly cringed as he tossed the black boxer briefs behind him and cleared his throat. “So this must be some kind of force projection? But why did we need the bond? Force users have always been able to do this, it just takes training and focus. Why did the force need everything else?” Kylo began mumbling out theories to himself, raising from his knees to pace. Rey watched in silence, she was stunned that any of this was happening, that he was here, that they were talking so comfortably now, that she couldn't help but let her eyes dip and follow his lines and constellations down as he stepped left to right, but mostly she was surprised at how good it felt to have him here. She wanted to hate this, hate seeing his face, be angry this was happening, but for some reason when she let down her guard to let his force mingle with hers, all her anger and pretence washed away with her resolve. W _hat the fuck indeed_ she thought quietly, hoping he couldn't hear. One thing she knew for sure, she needed him to stop pacing. She didn’t really care if he was really there or not but him wafting his very present scent through the air in front of her wasn't doing anyone any favours, especially her.

“You need to stop pacing, it’s making me dizzy.” Rey managed to say sternly, he offered her nothing in return and kept on his path. _Don't you dare give me attitude,_ she popped up and walked towards him, thinking how strange it was she didn't feel the need for a sabre as reached out to grab his arm, an oddly personal gesture considering the number of times they’ve tried to kill each other. He dodged her deftly and shot her a curt glare, a warning. Ohh he was in no position to be glaring at her, this was all his idea and now he decides to go silent. What if this was just their life now? What if they were stuck force projecting to each other until they're able to finally kill one another? She was not some omega who lived to please him, she didn't care if he was displeased with her. She quirked an eyebrow and readied her hands, not entirely sure what to expect. He turned into her path and she grabbed him by the shoulders, “ohh” was all she could say. 

_Bad, very, very bad;_ it was like a flip had switched in her. She could hear her heart stop, her blood felt burning hot and freezing cold all at once, her knees were jelly, her mouth was damn near drowning her with the amount of saliva it was producing, and yet she couldn’t understand the concept of taking her hands off him it was like they were part of him now. He was too close, his scent was everywhere, she felt like she should pull away, leave, stop this communication but it took everything she had not to just lean into him, bury her face into his skin.  She heard him swallow hard “this-this is not supposed to happen” she pulled her head upwards following his voice.  His eyes were dark and his broad mountain of a body was curling over her; he looked hungry, he could kill her, eat her whole but she couldn't help but feel safe and right in the shadow of him.

“What’s not supposed to happen?” she could feel herself leaning in closer to his dipping head, she spoke so softly no one but him could have heard it. Her arms were bending allowing him to push closer, she was incredibly aware of his hands finding purchase on her waist and sliding painfully slow downwards from where they started. The force was crackling around them as they drew nearer to each other, everything felt in colour for the first time and Rey was too preoccupied to think of what was happening and who with, not when they were this close, not when his mouth was breathing into hers, their noses brushing against each other, his hands squeezing her ass as he lifted her up slightly towards him. They locked eyes, Rey couldn't remember what not being this close to him felt like, she felt her eyes droop closed as she waited for contact.

BANG BANG BANG!

The loud knocks came from the door, Lukes voice yelled something Rey couldn't understand at the present moment. She was too busy falling, all at once she felt cold and starved and empty. She had dropped to her knees, Kylo was gone the air felt oppressively wrong and stale, everything was black and white again. It took her a minute to understand what had happened, and even longer to settle the anger and panic she felt before realizing Luke was still at her door. Righting herself as much as she could, she made her way to the sound and swung the old wooden slab open. 

“Whoa kiddo, rough night?” Luke chided. Rey tried her best not to let her anger bubble up and make her rip his face off. “Well it looks like you're getting a vacation just in time. I got word from Crait this morning, Rellion needs you back at camp. Training'll have to wait”

_***************************_

Kylo Ren was motionless, standing alone in the middle of his chambers, hands still in position for clutching Rey’s phantom ass. He was reeling, this was not how he thought the night would transpire, he thought he could solve this problem, be rid of that brat, find information, _anything_ but... whatever had just happened. Force bonds aren’t supposed to make you feel that, feel anything, but he swore he could touch her, taste her, o _h God_ smell her. Citrus and juniper and wildflowers mixing with the salt in the air, he was drunk on her, was this just the bond or was she just that intoxicating? He tried to remember what he thought of her before, searching his memory for proof he was once sane, but everything was tainted. All he could think of was her legs, her eyes, her lips, how she moved around him. _What the fuck just happened?_ he screamed in his head again. It had to have been a trick, he thought, as he raised his hands to run through his thick hair, which only made him realize her scent was still everywhere on him; he needed a shower, he needed to get her off of him. Before he had the chance to think about moving towards the ‘fresher, the sound of hydraulics pushing his chamber doors open interrupted his spiral. 

“Ohh, you’re awake.” Hux strolled through the opening, surprised at dark figure standing in the middle of the room “I wanted to take some time before our strategy meeting to go over some plans from yesterday. I need to know what Supreme Leader Snoke feels is the best course of action for quadrant X-293.” the red-haired Alpha looked up from his tablet, his eyes screwing up a little as he focused in on the stiff figure. Kylo stood frozen, how could Hux not smell her everywhere, he was practically bathed in her, his mind reeled to find an explanation. “I-“

“Meet me in room L4 whenever you’ve decided you’re actually awake Ren.” He huffed as he turned briskly and marched out of the room. 

Kylo let out a breath he was unaware he was holding in. His mind was wrapped in trying to piece everything together, he had to find a way to get her distant again, he needed to control this before Snoke found out, but first, he needed a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, so this was was a bit more a behemoth than my first chapter, but hey, what can I say? I found my stride


	3. something's changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey returns to base but something strange is starting to happen

The ride back to D’Qar felt shorter than Rey remembered, perhaps it was because she had spent the entire trip lost in thought. His sent was waining but she still rolled the memories over and over in her head; what was happening? What did it mean, if anything? What was she supposed to do? She had noticed their bond felt strangely soothed since that night, it didn't feel like she was being pulled to him like before, on a wire too taught and strong to gain distance. She could still sense him on the fringes of her mind, but it felt like a slack rope, tethering them together, allowing her mobility, all the while keeping them connected. She absent-mindedly plucked on the bond, testing its strength, its pull. 

Rey was still in her own head as she went through the motions of piloting the Falcon through the large hanger doors, gently setting it down in the designated spot left for her return. As she made her way from the ramp onto hanger floor, she didn’t realize she hadn't made it all the way down until she was halfway into the air, swept off her feet by a dark-haired alpha in an orange flight suit, tied partly around his waist.

“Rey! So you made it back alive?!” Poe hugged her tightly as he ripped her out of her trance and swung her in a circle, placing her gingerly back onto her own feet after he had sufficiently disoriented her. “Ha, don’t look so scared kid, big bad Jedi Master Luke isn't here to make you do any more force homework” He ruffled her hair with his hand as she smiled up at him, she had forgotten how much she missed this place. Before she had the chance to straighten herself out fully, an arm hooked around her neck from behind and another pair encircled her waist. Finn and Rose happily bobbed as they squealed out their greetings and fond we missed you’s. Rey laughed into the hug letting them unhook themselves from her before turning to give them proper hello’s.

“How was it? How was Luke? I bet you could totally kick _all_ the first orders asses now!” Rose exclaimed, a bright smile splitting her face.

“Ohh come on she could do that before, now she can just do it from here, with _this_ ” Finn jokingly put his hands in a mock force stance, index and middle fingers resting on his temples, as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She giggled enjoying the levity of being back home, “I’m not sure about that, but it was very…enlightening. I missed you all so much, it felt like I was away for years” happiness bubbled up in her chest. She would leave her confusion and memories about Kylo at the back of her mind, now all she wanted to do was be around the people that actually mattered. 

“Enough with the shop talk! Let's get kylo-killer here unpacked and fed, _then_ we can discuss her plans for saving the galaxy.” Poe clapped a hand on her back and winked, leading the way through the bustling hanger into the inner base. Finn ran to catch up with him, the omega sliding his hand to fit into the pilots as they pressed on, a few steps ahead of the women. Rey cocked an eyebrow and looped her arm with Rose’s, pulling her in close “So it finally happened?” she whispered through a barely contained smile. 

Rose giggled, “I mean they’ve been scenting each other for months, the only thing that kept them apart was their own thick heads!”

Rey’s heart warmed thinking back on all the subtle looks and hidden sighs, the conversations sworn to secrecy, expressing their feelings to everyone but each other; it was something she had never seen on Jakuu. Love, tenderness, the small moments of life that made it worth going through all the other shit for, she couldn't help but feel elated to witness it happen in the flesh. It was easy to spew facts about chemistry and biology and evolution, but looking on to the two men in front of her she couldn't help but become a little more of a believer in the gooey, sappy romance novel explanation of finding a mate, an alpha to your omega and vice versa. Though she was by no means as much of a hopeless romantic as Rose who, even as a fellow beta, consumed every morsel of alpha-omega fiction she could get her hands on. By her own account, she was probably the foremost expert on the base when it came to harlequin depictions of finding a mate, but she could still feel herself starting to understand that portrayal, that two people could be home to each other, never want to leave, never even think of abandoning one another. A pang of sadness crossed through her heart, would she ever feel like that? Would she ever get the chance to be that safe? That happy? She dragged her eyes away from them, tamping down the needle prick feeling.

“In any case, by my count, I think you owe me…what was it we agreed on? Three weeks worth of dessert portions?” Rey cheekily smiled at Rose. 

“Two; and by _my_ count, I still have a month left. Nothing is official until we see some scares” Rose bared her teeth, loudly clapping her top and bottom jaw together in a faux bite. 

As they rounded the corner into the main junction, Rey slid her arm out from the crook of Rose’s and adjusted the sack strap on her shoulder. The long trip and lack of sleep were starting to catch up with her, she was beginning to feel the weight of her bag cut deeper into her sore muscles and the pull of exhaustion around her limbs. She let out a deep yawn, “I think I may just head to my quarters actually,” she called out loud enough for Poe and Finn to hear “I can meet you in the morning and talk, but I’m really keen on the idea of sleeping for a week at the moment”. Her finger pressed along the bottom of her eye, messaging the tired muscles, as she smiled apologetically. The three of them hugged her, reiterating their happiness for her return and wished her a good rest, walking down the spigot that leads them to the mess hall as Rey turned to make her way back to her room. 

She shuffled along as quickly as she could manage but with every step, she couldn’t help but feel everything intensify. Her drowsiness pile drove into her, coming on more quickly, making her bones feel sore and creaky, her eyes more sensitive to the now too bright lights lining the hallways. She rolled her back stretching the space between her shoulder blades, trying to loosen the tightness that was being held there as she closed the gap between her and her door. Punching in the key code she pressed herself against the cool metal, not realizing how much of a relief it would feel like against her skin. She slipped into the dark room and dropped her bag on the floor, she would sort out everything tomorrow, but for right now all she could think of was crawling into her well-missed cot and passing out. She found her way in the dark, relishing the feeling of the cool linen on her arms and face and dipped immediately into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

***********************

The sound of a soft knock reverberating through her metal door was trying its best to coax her out of her slumber. Rey only half heard it, still feeling the pull of sleep coercing her to ignore the sound. A sliver of fluorescent white light expanded over her face, cutting a sharp line through the darkness, fully pulling her out of the stupor and pushing away the drowsiness she had been drunk on. She squinted into the light, forcing her eyes to adjust to the contrast “Good morning sleepyhead, are you alive in there?” Rose joked in a chipper half whisper. She moved a hand to feel along the wall, flicking on the room's light, making Rey flinch and close her eyes to the sudden shift. “Sorry” Rose croaked a little louder than before. 

Rey propped her self up in her bed swinging her legs off the edge and sitting up. Moving to raise her arms into a stretch she felt a cool draft trace across her body. She looked down and felt her face flush when she realized she wasn't wearing anything but her breast wrap and underwear. She pulled the sheet from behind her and laid it across her lap, giving herself a modicum of coverage, as her eyes darted to the floor revealing the crumpled pile of disregarded clothes laying on the floor. “Sorry, I think a may be coming down with a fever or something” Rey sheepishly laughed as Rose handed her a tray of food she had been holding.

“I’ll say, you slept for close to 19 hours! Leia gave me orders to come check on you and make sure you hadn’t died” Rose handed her some utensils she had stored in her pocket and leaned in to place the back of her hand on Rey’s forehead.

Rey stopped mid-chew, moving the ration to the pocket of her cheek; “19 hours?! I was asleep for that long?” she swallowed the food. She didn't feel that ill, maybe it was the stress of having to leave Luke, the travel, maybe the meeting with Kylo had drained her worse than she realized, maybe he was doing something to her now through the bond? She tested the connection, gingerly prodding at it, trying to see if she could glean any darkness seeping in through it, but it just felt warm and sturdy. She felt her self sink a little deeper into it and a surge of energy flowed through her body, concentrating in her back and the juncture between her legs. Shivering at the sudden excitement, she leaned away from Rose’s touch. 

“You do feel a bit hot Rey, maybe we should make an appointment with the doctor. I think Kaiboff is on a mission with Red team, but they should be back in a day or two.”Concern was creeping into her voice. Rey raised her hand, moving her head to face Rose with a reassuring smile, “I’m okay really, its probably just my training catching up with me, I’ll be fine in a couple of days. I promise” she reached out and squeezed Roses hand. In truth, Rey wasn't sure if she could make that promise, but she needed time to make sure this wasn't the work of the dark side. She hadn't had any time to test the limits of her and Kylo’s _new_ bond and she needed to make sure she wasn't going to be a problem for the Resistance, that she wasn't playing into his trap, if there was one. 

Rose screwed up her face “Fine but you have to tell me if this gets worse, okay?” she said sternly. 

“I will” Rey let go of Rose’s hand “I’ll meet you in the mess for dinner, just give me a couple of hours to unpack and train. I’m sure I’ll feel much better once I’m back in the swing” She stayed seated until Rose had pulled her door shut fully, leaving her alone again. Rey glanced at the clock that was panelled into the wall above her bed shelf,1:07 pm. Four hours was enough time, she thought, as she stood and stripped out of the rest of her clothes, making her way the small ‘fresher tucked in the corner of her room. She wouldn't need that much time to find out what Kylo was doing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's happening to our little Rey? I know this was more about building up to stuff but I promise things are going to start HAPPENING


	4. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has an unexpected visit that results in a lot of confusion and little solo fun (pun intended)

The dark cloaked figure heavily stomped through the hall, shoulders hunched forward as he made his way to nowhere in particular. It had been almost two days since his meeting with Rey and through all the combing through of ancient texts and researching on holo drives Kylo was still no closer to finding an answer or solution to his little dilemma. It was only a matter of time before Snoke sensed something different, he thought; though he wasn’t completely sure what had changed in the bond himself. There was a newness to the way it moved within him, he could feel it wrapping around his limbs, his mind, but it felt oddly comforting. He wasn’t being dragged through it like before, subject to its whims, he felt more in control of its pull. But he couldn't help but think it was only because he had allowed it hone in on him, skillfully target and properly latch itself into his every fibre of being. He shuddered at the thought, letting his mind slip into imagined scenarios of Snoke punishing him for his weakness; anger bubbled into his chest and he clenched his jaw, feeling the pressure sting in his teeth, all because of that girl. 

The sound of footsteps grew as Kylo turned the corner; he could hear the clatter of trooper armour clap with every step and it only served to prickle his already irritated nerves. He had been even more testy than usual in the past days, snapping at guards for walking too close, destroying objects, rooms and food if they weren't to his liking, and chewing out any person that dared look at him with any hint of emotion. He didn't want to understand this sudden spike in aggravation, though in a place deep in his mind, hidden even from himself, he wondered if it was because this had been the longest he had gone without feeling her since they met. He straightened himself slightly, rolling his shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure that had built up there, but it persisted, beginning to throb slightly. He raised a gloved hand up to the space at the back of his neck, pressing lightly to massage the knot. A moan forced its way out of his lips, blood surged slightly through his body, rushing down to his groin. His hand flew from its purchase on his neck as he stopped mid-stride; that was his gland, his mating gland. Though he was an alpha, he had so seldom indulged in even thinking about what that meant, trying most of his life to avoid the messiness and weakness that came with his designation. He had had ruts, he had had women, but he had always been in control. Never letting his instincts rise to the forefront of his decisions, never allowing himself to _feel_ , at least not like that. This was different, it was sudden and intense, and uncharacteristically unplanned; he had had a rut just three months ago, he should have been able to hold off for at least another two. He had trained for a majority of his presentation and adult life to avoid it for as long as possible, wanting to show Snoke he was strong and capable of fighting his failings. It had to be something to do with the scavenger, he thought, she must be using the bond to play with his mind, find a weakness. 

As if she was listening to his accusations, Kylo felt a tug through the force. It was tentative at first, then growing stronger and more deliberate, pulling him towards her like a fishing line. _Kylo_ he heard her voice say in a stern tone. The trooper footsteps were getting louder, he couldn't let himself be seen like this, talking to himself, to her with a half erect penis in the middle of the strategy wing hallway. He fought the urge to sink into the bond and looked hastily around opting to take cover in an empty conference room to his left, away from the prying eyes of his subordinates. He pressed the lock button on the keypad and let out a small breath as the group of white armoured soldiers passed by the other side of the door. _Kylo_ she said again, more than a little curtly. 

“Not a good time” he barked but he could already feel the bond pulling them together. 

She appeared in front of him, perching on her folded knees. She wasn't as clear as the last time, her projection phased in and out at the edges making her seem more dreamlike. She was holding back, he thought, though he knew he was doing the same. He could feel his gland pulse again and he stepped away from the door, refraining from the urge he had to press the throbbing flesh against the hard metal. 

“It’s never a good time when we have to talk.” She snapped back, and he focused his dark eyes on her own, glaring. “Listen, I don't know what kind of game you’re playing, but it needs to stop. It’s already bad enough I have to deal with everything else, but you trying to kill me from the inside out isn’t going to work.” 

Confusion spilt over him, washing away the reminisce of anger he was finding hard to hold onto. He looked at Rey closer, her furrowed brow was glistening in a mist of sweat, she was breathing in shallow spurts, and her thighs pressed together tightly-he dragged his eyes away and forced them to burrow into the empty wall behind her. 

“I'm not sure I can make any promises little rat, especially since you seem to be doing a fine job at retaliating anyway” He was going to play this cool, no need to show his hand; she didn’t need to know how weak he was. 

She leaned forward suddenly attempting to lash out but stopped before she could get a word out, pressing her hands into her knees, arching her back and pressing her thighs are tightly together. A soft, barely noticeable, moan reverberated in her throat, Kylo bit into his cheek to keep from reciprocating. She rocked back slowly and met his eyes again, “I’m not some evil snake who would use mind games to sucker punch their opponent while I hide in my protected fortress. If you’re so keen on fighting, why not come and find me” her voice came out a little laboured, breathy. 

The projection was getting stronger as her anger intensified, her voice sounded closer, he could see the detail in her. The way her knuckles were turning white as the balled on her thighs, the way her wraps clung to her damp body. Before he could stop himself he breathed in through his nose, and his senses were set alight with her scent. She was more intense than before, he didn't know how he thought she was strong the first night because now he could sense everything, every note of honey and sweetness; it was layered and intoxicating, he could pick it apart for hours. He slowly lowered himself onto his knees in front of her, even on his knees leaning into her, he loomed powerfully, a foot taller than her petite body. 

“I don't think you could handle me in person, Rey” he reached out a finger grazing down from the curve of her shoulder to her bicep. He was trying his best to be intimidating but everything was coming out low and soft. He saw Rey’s eyes flutter as her name came out of his mouth, Kylo leaned back, removing his finger from her arm with only a little more will power than he thought necessary. “And if we are truly making rules for our little situation, I think you need to stop acting so innocent when it comes to playing dirty.” He willed himself to latch onto any darkness he could find within himself, trying to make his voice more spiteful, more poisonous. 

He could see anger flash onto her face. Good, this was how it was supposed to be, “I’m not playing any mind games with you! Why would I want to spend any more time in your head than I am already forced to? Why can't you stop trying to boil me with my own body heat?! What use is it to make me sore and tired all the time when we aren’t even in the same system? Is it fun for you, to make me feel like I can’t control my own body?” she was leaning in again, poised for a fight. Her hands punctuated every line, her face grew more and more flushed with her frustration and her eyes swam with rage. _Yes,_ he thought _good, fight me. Scream at me, make me hate you._ He was trying to attach himself to her anger, make her seem insolent and bratty and unworthy, but he couldn't help but feel the need to soothe her, make her calm, make her eyes look at him with that flutter like before like she did _that_ night. 

Breathing in deeply he forced his eyes to look into her own, “I’m not, Rey, I’m not doing anything to you. I’ve barely even thought of you since that day” he lied. He could see a flash of something cross her face, surprise, frustration, disappointment? “Now as I said before, it’s not a good time to be speaking to you, scavenger. But I do promise, the next time I see you, in person, without the protection of this fucking bond, I’ll make sure you know how I really fight” Kylo didn't allow himself to revel in her response, pushing her out of his head as quickly as he could. 

She was gone, the bright scent of her was weak and he couldn't feel the bond humming as strongly. Slowly rising from his kneeling position, he flinched as his gland tightened at the loss of her presence and he fought the instinct to rub it for relief, afraid it might make him even more aroused than he was already feeling. He had been too close, again. Pictures of her swam through his mind, her eyes growing glassy when he had said her name, her skin glistening with sweat, that sweet little moan that had escaped her enticing lips. He breathed in deeply, drinking in the last of her lingering scent and felt his pants tighten more; he was going to need to take care of this. A quick rapt came from the door interrupting his thoughts, and he realized he was standing in the middle of a conference room, mid-day with a growing hard-on. There was probably some sort of meeting about weak spots and rising tensions happening that he couldn't even think of sitting through at the present moment. Striding towards the door, Kylo punched in the code and unlocked the metal slab, revealing a surprised gaggle of officers who jumped back at the sight of the imposing figure. 

“Master Kylo, we did know you be joining us to-“

“I’m not” he said pushing through the nervous looking uniforms, trying his best to conceal his engorged crotch. 

His boots carried him swiftly down the hall to the nearest elevator; he needed to be alone, and quickly. The memories of her were shifting, her flushed eyes and face moved under him in his mind, her muffled moans were turning into cries, his name being repeated in breathy tones full of need, her hands that had been balling into fists now moved up and down his throbbing cock, scratched along his back, dug into his gland. His hand was moving discreetly over his bulge, seeking what little relief he could allow himself for now. He needed to get to his room, to find some release before anyone could see him in this state.

_Cluush_ , the door slid painfully slow sideways and he squeezed through the barely opened elevator, rushing down the sleek, black lined hallways to his chambers. It was getting hard to run, his cock was rubbing against the stiff fabric of his trousers with every step, painfully giving him the stimulation he craved. He reached the door in what felt like years, grateful that no one had been wandering the halls, and slid through the door as quickly as possible. Collapsing onto the wall adjacent to where he had just entered. With dexterity and speed, he unbuttoned his pants, releasing his throbbing stiff cock and began stroking up and down, immediately melting into the feeling. His imagination ran wild with images of the scavenger around him, under him, pleading with him to take her, fuck her. He lifted his other hand to his gland and pressed hard through the fabric, basking in the surge of electricity it pushed through his body. She was moving faster on top of him in his mind, filling his mouth with her breath as she pulled his hair, pleading for him to make her cum, he could almost smell a hint of her, his mouth was watering as he thought of her neck. The knot was filling at the base of his length, he worked quicker feeling the slickness of his pre-cum lubricating the motions, as his other left his gland and settled instead firmly around the growing knot, pressing into it, simulating her tightening around him. _Please Kylo_ mind-Rey sang, _I want your knot._ He pressed firmer into himself, both hands working hard to bring him to release. _Kylo,_ she gasped _Kylo…Ben!_ He came hard, cum gushing out of his cock as he rode out the orgasm, squeezing and gently stroking himself dry. 

He sat there for a while, leaned against the wall of his room, coming down from his euphoria, his spend drizzled around him. _Fuck_ , this wasn’t right, this was not supposed to happen. He was weak and foolish and everything he had been fighting against for his entire life, but why then did it feel so right to have her around. Why was the force pushing him into this beta, making him feel things for a designation he couldn’t have _that_ with, for a woman he was born to be opposed to; she was light and old world and _rebellion_ , he was order and progress and power. In every way possible they didn't work, couldn’t work, but somehow he still felt a draw to their deliciously grey connection, the humming of it soothing his old hurt, making his body warm in its energy. A nervous feeling rose in his throat, swallowing hard at the lump; Kylo pushed himself onto his feet, stripping himself of his clothes. He was going to kill her for what she was doing to him, for the weakness she was exposing inside himself. But even in his mind, he could tell the threat held no weight behind it; it was an autopilot expression he was thinking of rather than digging deeper into the feeling that had begun to grow in hm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give you guys a little treat before the next chapter because I kind of had to deal with some logistical stuff before we can move into the sin ;) (of which is coming soon, I promise)


	5. turn to face the strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes through changes

Rey sat in the bustling mess hall, barely listening to the conversation that was going on between her friends. _I’ve barely even thought of you since that day_ , why did it sting when those words came out of his mouth? Did he really not think of her as a good enough adversary that he was so nonchalant at the threat of her? Was he really so unaffected by this thing between them? Was this obsession really so one-sided? Her leg bounced under the table, trying to expel the nervous energy that had started to spread in her belly.

“Okay, okay, Rey! You need to stop, you’re shaking my coffee onto the table” Poe exclaimed, shifting the mug into his left hand as he shook the spilled liquid off the other. 

“It’s probably for the best anyways, you shouldn’t be having that stuff so late in the day. You know you’ve been having trouble falling asleep.” Finn mopped up the liquid on the table with a napkin and blushed slightly at the accidental reveal of intimacy. “Um anyway” he stumbled out, trying his best to change the topic, “peanut are you sure you’re okay? No offence but you’re looking a little…”

“Horrible! Close to death! In need of an _actual_ doctor!” Rose finished the sentence, a maternal stern-ness dripping in her tone.

Rey straightened her back a little, not used to Rose being so aggressive, even if it was out of love. Though she didn't know how she _looked_ exactly, she knew she felt like she had gone four rounds with a spiteful Ranthar and lost every single one. Her bones ached like they were growing 6 inches by the minute, her muscles were re-chording themselves, shifting and rearranging along her shoulders, but she would take those things happily if she didn't also have to feel like her blood was slowly starting to boil in her veins. In all fairness, she _had been_ feeling perfectly fine until she had communicated with that bull-headed Vader wannabe. As soon as she made contact she knew she made a mistake. She felt like she was playing angry, nothing landed with the punch and vigor she wanted it to. All she could think of was his forest scent that swirled around her, the ebb of his force mingling with hers through her body, his eyes tracing her curves absentmindedly, and then he _touched_ her. She wanted to gag at the way she melted into his trace down her arm, fight the fact that she felt herself get wet from basically nothing, feeling her pussy clench at the preamble, but even now she couldn't help but fight the urge to sink into that feeling of him. And then just as quickly as he had made her feel like that, he tore it bare, leaving her confused and alone reeling from the sudden loss of him, hurt at his turn of cheek. As soon as he had left she started to feel pain seep into her. It was manageable as she huffed her way down the hall to meet with everyone for dinner as promised, but as she sat stewing in thought, it started to become more intense.

“I was going to say under the weather.” Finn corrected, trying to infuse some levity into Rose’s near panic. 

“Rey you told me you would make an appointment with Kaiboff if you started feeling worse, and you CAN NOT tell me that you aren’t. You haven’t even touched your food, and usually, you’d be halfway through mine already!” Rey looked at the full plate, strangely the thought of food didn’t even cross her mind, which she had to admit was setting off more than a couple of red flags in her own head. “We just got confirmation that Red team is back tomorrow morning and you are going to see the doctor as soon as possible, even if that means I’ll have to drag you to the medi-station on your deathbed.” The petite, usually bubbly woman was more than a little frightening when she loomed over Rey, her eyes sharp with anger. 

“Alright fine, I have to admit I’m not sure if this is a sleep-your-way-out-of-it kind of thing anyway” Rey smiled up at her, hoping it would soothe her nerves. It worked enough to make Rose sit down, but her dagger eyes were still drilling into Rey's head, knowing there was more to the story than what she was letting on. 

“There we go Mama Tico, let’s ease it back a bit,” Poe said with a faint laugh, leaning into the two women sitting across the table. “Why don't I take Rey back to her room and let her rest up. As much as I love seeing you try to do surgery with your eyes, I don't think we’re gonna find a diagnosis by doing…that” His hand motioned to Rose’s face. He leant in for a quick peck on his boyfriend's temple and stood, walking towards Rey’s side of the table and offering her a hand. “Come on kid, I’ll make sure you at least die in your own bed” he winked.

Taking his hand, Rey bid goodnight to the two still seated and allowed Poe to lead her down the hall back to her room. Her legs hurt but leaning on Poe did help somewhat, she couldn't help but feel calmed by his arm on hers, his strong muscles lifting her up with every step, his smell…Rey shook her head, pulling herself away from him. She could deal with the pain if it meant she could gain distance from him, from _that_ thought. 

“Ehh its all right kiddo, it’s always hard on your first run around the block, eh” Poe smiled putting his hands in his pocket and tapping his elbow against hers. Rey was confused, she searched her head for some sort of indication of what he was talking about. Maybe he was carrying on the conversation from dinner, she suspected, the one she had been too lost in her own head to bother following. She racked her brain to try to remember anything, a snippet of anything, but came up short, instead opting to smile awkwardly and nod. It was probably just something about long haul flights or crappy ships anyway. 

“I know it’s really awkward and I get why your keeping this on the quiet side, but just know me and Finn are here, and we can totally help you in whatever way you need-actually that came out wrong…I mean…we just—” He let his fingers press into his eyes rubbing the tips along his lids to meet in the middle of his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. He released his grip in exasperation, and he turned to her, really looking at her this time; sincere and doting. “I’m here for you, this…this process is never easy but everything you're feeling is perfectly natural and you should, you know, have fun with it—Oh god, I just sounded so much like my mother” they had reached her door, Rey feigning a thankful smile, but inside her mind was swimming with questions. Poe looked at her with a sympathetic stare and scooped her into a hug, pulling quickly away while keeping his hands firmly on her shoulders “you rest up kid, it’ll be a tough couple days but you’ll get through it” his hands clapped against her arms as he gave her a tentative smile. 

Rey ducked into the dark room before he had a chance to say anything else; what in the actual kirffing galaxy was going on? She searched her head for anything, a _nything_ , that would explain the odd paternal pep talk she had just received, but her mind kept drifting to her sore limbs. Stretching out on the cool bed she resolved on placing that conversation away with the rest of the things in her life that weren't making sense. Why did it feel like the whole galaxy was going full tilt through hyperspace, spinning and shaking her world up before she had even had chance to know what her new life was. For her first 22 years, she had lived the same day in and out, hoping for something to change, hoping her life wasn't going to be so predictably miserable, and in the span of a couple of months she honestly found herself missing knowing what to expect from tomorrow. The force, Luke, the rebellion, Kylo, her friends, even her own body was starting to feel like a piece of earth falling from beneath her giving her less and less ground to stand on. Her head was spinning, the pain from her back was making its way into her brain and she felt like she was standing in the centre of a sun. 

She stripped out of her clothes, unwrapping her breasts and taking off her underwear feeling like even they were too much on her burning skin, and laid naked on top of the sheets. A modicum of relief eased over her as the cool fabric pressed against her exposed body. But even as she lay there in the dimly lit room, her mind raced back and forth over everything, sticking a little longer over the tall brooding man she knew was floating somewhere in her head. Little flashes of him passed through her mind; with each image of his eyes or phantom brush of his hands moving on her, a surge of heat coursed through her body, gathering deep in her core. Everything tensed willing herself to push the thoughts away, act like the woman she needed to be to for everyone, to stop letting herself give in so easily but the bond started to hum in defiance, pulling itself tight like before, enveloping her in its will. She was finding it hard to breathe, it was reverberating through her blood, through her every molecule, pulling her into its embrace, closer to him. Her breath was ragged as she huffed through the searing pain, it felt like she was trying to tear a part of herself out, stabbing out a piece every time she pushed back, but it only made her fight harder. Grabbing a handful of sheets in both hands, she focused harder letting the pain fuel her, as she concentrated on the bond, ripping away at its hooks that clung deep within her. 

“No!” a scream ripped through her body as she gave a final push, unsticking it from her soul. The air became light as the bond receded back into the void, it felt as if she could use her lungs again as she let her muscles relax, working her way from her toes up ensuring every part of her was still there. “see? no missing pieces” she whispered the weak amends to her frame. As she reached her shoulders, she found the knot at the base of her neck stubbornly clinging to her, refusing to untie no matter how she craned her head on her pillow. A sigh echoed through the room as she raised a hand slowly to her back and pressed firm fingers into the muscles intending to work them out. 

She wasn’t sure what had happened, but all she remembered was the air growing too heavy to breathe, the white-hot heat radiating back into her system with a vengeance and newfound acidity, and blackness as her body passed out under the crashing wave of pain.

***************************

She awoke to a bright white light shining in the space above her, her eyes ebbed and flowed out of focus as she slowly moved them in circles trying to gain some reference for the unfamiliar space. The smell of chemicals and metal and unfamiliar bodies infected her nose and churned her stomach. Her hand tentatively twitched, it was heavy and ungraceful in its movements as it lumbered its way to her face, pressing its foreign feeling fingers onto her eyelids, forcing the muscles awake. She raised her head slightly, trying her best to take in the room while her mind was still foggy. It was white and cleaner than any room she had ever seen on base, the countertops were cramped with containers of supplies and tools, cabinets housed scarce amounts of pill bottles and gauze, while the beeping of machines bounced off the white walls. It didn't take her long to understand she was in the medi-station, as her body started to wake up she could feel the monitor stickers clinging to her skin, the uncomfortable pressure of tubes in her hand, the thin fabric of a medical dress stiffly moving with her, and the unmistakable aroma of sanitation solution burning her nostrils. She moved her raised hand to the underside of her nose, blocking out the assaulting scents with her own. The only thing she couldn't glean from her trace around the room was how she had managed to get here.

The door slid open with a soft mechanical sound, as a tall Quareen dressed in a white lab coat stepped into the room. “Good, you have woken,” Dr Kaiboff said in their thick accent, the long tentacles on their face raising slightly in a smile. 

“It feels like that's all I’ve been doing since I got back” Rey quipped, sitting up in the bed, surprised at how unaffected her body felt after last night. In fact, she couldn't feel a hint of pain at all, anywhere, for the first time in days.

“Well, I am honestly surprised after what you have been through, that you have managed to even do that” They studied the screens cluttered in the space above the bed, making notes on their tablet and checking her vitals. Rey's face must have been giving away her confusion because Kaiboff lowered the tablet and looked at her with an expression bouncing between concern and curiosity. “Did something happen on while you were training on Ahch-to? Did you interact with anything unknown, get bit by or ingest something strange? Perhaps interacted with any unusual flora?” 

_Does having an impromptu make-out session with your enemy, count?_ Rey thought trying to beat away the nervousness that was starting to boil inside her. “No, not that I can think of, why? Did you find something? Is something wrong?”

“Not _wrong_ no; strange, most certainly.” Kaiboff pulled a stool out from its place against the wall and lowered themselves down, settling into a practised professional air. “Rey, there is not a way that I can say this that will not sound odd; You have, effectively, switched designations” 

Rey's head twisted into confusion “I-I can't have, I’ve been a beta since birth! I—I’ve already presented _as beta,_ I cant present—“

“It is not that” They cut her off, taking a beat to plan out their next words carefully. Kaiboff opened their tablet and began flipping through files searching for something as they started carefully “This is not just a presentation, your physicality has altered itself, you have changed, physically, from a beta into an omega.” They lifted up the tablet so Rey could see the screen, “When the resistance took you in we did full medical examinations, all to make sure we knew what blood type you were, allergies, anything we could think of just in case we needed information fast, in a life or death situation. We marked you as beta, you _had_ beta antigens, no trace of pheromone glands, mating glands, nothing.” they pointed out bits and pieces of information that were printed on her file but Rey was honestly too stunned to even attempt following their rapid movements bouncing around the screen. “But for some reason, something changed in the last few days, _you_ changed. Your antigens are all omega, not even a trace you were anything else. And fascinatingly you have seemed to have grown all the proper glands, including the mating gland!” Kaiboff’s voice was starting to show their excitement more as they punctuated their last point by raising a hand up to tap at their neck. 

Rey was trying to breathe deeply, to calm the panic that was coursing through her, but it was only serving in her getting more sick from the intense smell of the room. She could feel her stomach start to clench as the sting of bile lapped at the lining of her oesophagus. She pressed her fists into the firm mattress on either side of her, “How is this possible, how do we— _can_ we fix it?” An _Omega_ , she was now an Omega; a sex driven, subservient, weak _OMEGA._ Rocking faintly on her hands, she scolded herself for being so…offensive; logically she knew designation didn't mean expectation, there were plenty of omegas that were strong and independent but she couldn't help it. She had loved being a beta, she didn't want to be tied to anyone, it was the one thing in her life she felt like she still had control over, who she loved when she would want to do… _things_ , her own fucking body. The last piece of earth fell from under her and she was spiralling.

“Unfortunately without knowing the catalyst, I cannot say. I wish I could do more, say more, but unfortunately, most of the materials available discussing more obscure alpha and omega science was either destroyed in raids or is too far in enemy territory. And though I can say for certain this is definitely strange, I cannot say it has never happened.” Their eyes shifted to her, sympathy reflecting in the large milky blue spheres. “I can tell you are not going to die; all your vitals have stabilized since last night and it seems that fever Miss Tico had been concerned about has broken. We don't have that much in way of supplies, we usually order on a case by case basis due to the scarcity of female omegas in our midsts, but it shouldn't take more than two standard weeks”

“supplies?” the question fell out of her mouth before she had even thought it. 

“Yes; contraceptive shots, suppressants…they have unfortunately been harder to attain since the first order took control of quadrant R-900, but our sister base has been able to stock us when we need, so you should not have to worry unless your heat comes on in the next fortnight”

_contraceptives, heat_ the words stuck out sharply in Rey’s mind. She had never thought of herself as innocent or squeamish, but as she heard the reality of the situation unfold out of Kaiboff, she found it hard to wrap her head around the fact that she was part of this strange world of sex and need, something she had very rarely interacted with before. 

“All we can do right now is reactively deal with the situation at hand” they swivelled on their chair, swiftly retrieving a dusty pamphlet from inside a drawer and placing it in Rey's lap.

“Here,” Kaiboff said suddenly (or at least it felt sudden to Rey) “This should be able to help you answer some basic questions you might be having, and I would also like for you to come for regular checkups so I may monitor your…situation. And please if you can remember anything that might have happened, we can work together to find a way to fix it, if you still wish” 

Rey's brain didn’t process Kaiboff’s words until they were already through the closing door, giving her time alone to think. So that was it, her life had now officially been turned upside down, unceremoniously taken right from underneath her feet and brought over her unsuspecting head, blocking out the world she thought she knew and thrusting her into the unknown. A tear made its decent, rolling slowly down her cheek and she brushed it away angrily, pressing a little too hard. As she floated in that fuzzy void of shock, a familiar feeling made its presence known. She could feel the tendrils of the bond not merely hooked in her anymore but fuzed into her being, happily a part of her now, humming in the space between her shoulders. _Of course_ , there was only one thing that had been able to get into her system, the new foreign object she had allowed in on Ahch-to; the bond had rewired her from the inside out _._ A pure, unadulterated rage was starting to smoulder in her chest; first it was her parents, then this fucking war, the force in all its great fucking power, using her like an empty shell, void of autonomy and thoughts and wants of her own. She was starting to feel as if she would never be able to control anything in her life, she would just go by the whims of powers greater than what she could fight and take it. It was bad enough it had forced into being leashed to that monster, but now it was punishing her for refusing to listen. Her fingers balled into fists, nails cutting into her palms when a thought called out to her; she could refuse.

Blinking back the tears that were welling in frustration, Rey straightened her back and took a shaky breath in. Power came with the realization; though she was stuck in this war and willing to fight, to learn to use the force, she was not obliged to be dragged around by some mystic connection just because it wanted her to be tied to the person she was set on killing. She was not going to be dragged into the dark, it had changed her designation yes but it had not changed her thoughts on him, Kylo _._ The lightness burned inside her, soothing the pull of the grey, giving her strength. _Keep us connected_ , she thought, _show_ _me_ _every_ _weakness_ _he_ _has._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You did it, you made it through my babble! What will happen now that Rey is a new omega, who has yet to have her first heat, and is being forced into the arms of a handsome enemy alpha? 
> 
> we can now enter the fun portion of our slow burn


	6. Little Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the first time Kylo and Rey have interacted since her change. A quick life-threatening situation and a turning of cheek lead to them seeing a side of each other they had only dreamed of before. 
> 
> It's longer one boys, strap in.

Faint glimmers of her, a feeling at the back of his head, being watched by a ghost, eyes drilling into his every movement, that was all Kylo had been feeling for the past weeks. When their last had meeting ended, he thought he had gained some ground on the situation, though the gland at the back of his neck ached at the distance, he couldn't help but feel secure at the lack of her. He was less of a liability when she was gone, he was stronger, more focused, at least that's what he told himself. In truth, at the back of his mind, he knew that her not being with him meant that she was secure, she was undetectable, she was free from him and his darkness. So when he felt her warmth creep back into the fray of him he was torn between basking in the light she brought inside, and the fear that came with the knowledge she was unsafe, from Snoke, from himself. She had changed in her return, keeping her distance, no longer bashing through his thoughts like a ranthar set loose in a cantina, no small quips, or accidental slipping into dreams, just a presence, barely detectable, a spot of light in the distance. He would never admit it, but a small bud of happiness bloomed in that speck of light, the knowledge she was there somehow comforted him, soothing the ache he had nursed for what felt like years. The only time she would ever dare draw near was in moments of distraction, briefings, strategy meetings, missions. Kylo would feel her slip down into his ears and listen through them or take in the sights that he was surveying. It was only for seconds at a time, and she played it quite well, her strategic espionage, but today was not the day to be caught with her hiding inside the head of the First Orders second in command. He ground his teeth a little too hard and fell deeper into his meditation.

For a better part of last night through to the morning, Kylo had been trying to wrangle her into his grasp. It hadn't taken long for her to decipher his angle and for hours they had been playing a game of cat and mouse who's stakes grew increasingly more dangerous with each minute that passed on the sleek black clock perched on Kylo’s nightstand. If only she would leave, just for a few moments, or let him hide her, maybe she— _he,_ Kylo interjected, would be spared. It would only be a few minutes before he had to start making his way into that dark underbelly of the ship. _He_ didn't like to be kept waiting, and Kylo had unfortunately used up what little patience he did have for him. It had been too many lame excuses, too many last-minute missions; Snoke was aggravated and Kylo knew the tightrope he was already on was getting shaky and thin with every missed conference with the Supreme Leader. His knee started to bounce, an attempt to expel some of the nerves that were starting to cloud Kylo’s mind and lose the threadbare trail he had on his little secret. It was best to keep her hidden until he found out how to control this, he told himself, best to not let Snoke understand just how compromised he had become. The leader of the First Order, the commander of the Knights of Ren, being used as a puppet of the Resistance was not a good look. His mind wandered into the bleak scenarios and memories he had been warned of since his anointing; torture, humiliation, shame. But as the images flashed the familiar features of his own mug changed into a perfect freckled screaming face, contorting in pain, hazel eyes glossing over with tears, light being snuffed out—Klyo pulled himself from his mind at once. He wiped the hair away from his brow, which had become covered in a light sheen of sweat, as he refocused his eyes on the room around him, more specifically on the oppressive clock facing him down. 8:55, time was up; he did his best to unfurl the knots in his shoulders he had tied over the past hours and made his way to the door, not before making one small request. 

_Leave now Rey…..Please._

**************

Rey was proud of her spy game she had worked out: stay low, keep distance, only listen when he's distracted. She had gotten good at knowing him through peripherals, she could tell when he was getting close to reaching for her, the closest she could get to each part of his mind before he knew she was there, and much to her displeasure, when a bout of sadness or rage was coming, when he couldn't sleep, when his frustrations were peaking so high she couldn't help but tense up herself. She wrote down what she thought was important, listened in for anything to relay to her superiors, and waited another standard as the shipment of her supplies were pushed back _yet again_ because of suspicious patrol, or mechanical trouble, or god knows what else.

Kaiboff had implored her to stay away from large groups with unknown designations, closed unventilated rooms with alphas and basically, the cutting off of any human interaction with anyone she either didn't trust or know, at least until her suppressants arrived. In short, Rey found herself alone most of the days, locked away in her room as the weeks began to pile up; she had to find something to do other than wallow in her situation and spying on the enemy was the most useful she could think of. Rey didn't like to think about it but it wasn't entirely selfless her operation. The more time she spent around his cool feeling the less her body ached, the less her moods swung, the less she found her self dying of heat radiating from her skin and most people could notice she was decidedly less hard to be around after spending a day just barely dipping a toe in his pool. Through the weeks she knew Kylo had felt her there, lurking in the in-between of their connection, she was proud at her stealth and reflexes, she could feel with each day her force and her body growing stronger. But she knew Kylo was holding back, or rather letting her in, allowing her to be his shadow, but today felt different. She could feel him pushing back, he was resisting her more than he had done since…she couldn't even remember the last time. Bleary-eyed and barely awake she had felt him in the early hours of the morning trying to pull her down into him, she nearly pushed her way through just to yell at him for interrupting one of the few good sleeps she had gotten since her designation change. He felt fervent like it was necessary for his survival to get her into a place where he could control where she was, Rey would love to have said it made her angry, made her want to slap the freckles off his face, but more than anything she found herself intrigued. What could be so important that you hide, Ren? 

_Leave now, Rey…Please._

She nearly was knocked out of her trance, she didn't think she had ever heard anything so, soft, so pleading come out of Kylo's mouth ever before. Her mind reeled in the possibilities; murder plots? ambush plans? his heat— **wait** , she tried to shake the thought away as a needle prick drove through her heart. _Who would he be with?_ her body stiffened, crossed legs digging into the floor of her small room. She rolled her head back and forth as she focused in again on the mission at hand. What did it matter anyway? Maybe they could catch the little omega slut and interrogate her afterwards… _after what?_ … A possessiveness that had become all too familiar radiated from her every pore as she felt the gland at the back of her neck ache. She had noticed it rear its head some time ago when the pilots would talk about shooting down a first-order ship when the strategy briefings touched on eliminating the core of the enemy position when Rose or Finn or Poe would joke about him; him in pain, him…gone. She thought back to before this _thing_ , she had been the one to wax poetic about putting his head on a stake or a sabre through his heart, but she found it hard to come close to the feeling of putting him through anything she had fantasized about mere weeks ago. A spike in Kylo’s nerves radiated through her and pulled her back into reality, something was happening. Rey pushed the torrid thoughts aside and focused back to the task at hand, the faint sound of doors opening echoed through his head and into hers, and with it an intense dread that washed through both of them. An oppressive force blanketed every inch of her body as darkness snaked into Kylo’s head; it was cold and void of any light, it was death incarnate, it was true nothingness. Rey shivered as she felt Kylo feeling around his mind, trying one last time to reach her. Was this his plan? to throw her into this void, bring her to the dark side by force? She was interrupted when a cold voice echoed through their heads. 

_Kylo Ren, so nice to finally find you not impeded._

Rey sank into the floor, the voice felt like razor wire on her brain, she could feel each breathy syllable scrape its way through his mind and into hers, freezing where it touched. _Snoke,_ she thought; she remembered the first time Kylo had entered her mind, she thought that slight chill was the dark side, that he was too far gone, but now surrounded by the lack of anything good and anything at all she knew that coolness Kylo wrapped her in was nothing close to darkness. He was shade and nighttime and life, she found herself reaching out for him, to feel his sturdiness, his protection. His low, smooth, voice slipped through his lips, calm and composed; “I’ve been needed on some pressing issues regarding the resistance forc—

_And the girl? What news do you have of their scavenger pet?_

Rey held her breath, she could feel Snoke prodding through Kylo, his icy tendrils wrapping around, section by section, trying to uncover some weak point. “No news since her leaving Ahch-to, we suspect she returned to the resistance but we were unable to track her coordinates” Snoke squeezed further into him, and Rey had noticed the gap between her and the nothingness closing. “Supreme Leader, I don’t believe following the girl will yield anything of value, I suggest—“

_How bold Ren,_ Snoke scoffed his force bubbling with vitriol, _since when did the Solo brat have the power to speak out of turn? Since when did it matter what you think,_ ** _boy_** _? You still have too much of your past holding onto you, maybe we should remind you of what happens to those who disregard the chain of command._

Images flashed before them, a young, raven-haired boy, beaten, bloodied and broken, utterly alone; a young man watching men he'd known cut in half, strangled, their faces turning red, veins and eyes popping from skin, friends dying in front of him. Rey could feel him stifle a flinch, and she had had to fight back the urge wrap around his mind herself, take the brunt of this attack for him, to let his pain stop. It felt only natural to lean into his grey feeling, to soothe him, tell him it's alright, that’d she’d seen horror like him as well; she had barely realized how far she had started to lean into him.

_Or perhaps…_ Snoke’s tone hissed in a sort of satisfaction, he had found what he was searching for. _Perhaps it’s not your past, but something new?_

Before Rey could grasp the words that echoed through their connection, she felt his cold reach racing directly towards her, scraping his way across the shape of Kylo’s mind, honing in on the spot of light that was hiding there. She was frozen, unable to comprehend a movement that wouldn’t lead to pain, if she stood her ground fought Snoke what would happen to her? She knew she wasn't ready to face this power and though it stung to think, she couldn’t rely on Kylo to help her win this fight. But leaving him, now with this ghoulish figure rifling through every inch of him, tearing him down from the inside, no,she couldn't fathom leaving Kylo to face Snoke alone. The reach was gaining and Rey was growing more ready in her resolve to fight, a sting of pain was growing in her head, she was shutting down at the searing cold so close. Any second, **she wasn't ready** , and then…warmth, cedar trees and soil before a rain, enveloped in everything… _him._ She had died, she must have because she had never felt this calm before, so safe and whole. Rey let herself unfurl in this odd bliss and noticed its familiarity, not just in the way everything was so…Kylo, but in the way she could feel the walls that protected her from the horrors outside. This had been in her training with Luke, she recalled, his voice still rattled in her head “You must be able to create a space, Rey. Somewhere nobody can reach, through the force, through mind tricks, through infiltration, you need to be able to hide what they can’t see” So this was his lockbox? Where he hid his deep dark secrets, Rey felt herself flutter with excitement, this is what she had been searching for, wasn't it, to find a weakness for the great Kylo Ren?

A voice echoed in the distance and pulled her out of her thought, it was familiar and grew louder, like a speeder racing towards you. She felt herself be pulled into it, colliding into…Luke? he was big, or rather she was very small, he was smiling down and he looked so young. “Okay, Ben lets try and find some stones to practice with huh?” Ben? that was his name before all this but—more flashes of faces flew through her, memories of a life long forgotten, not successfully so. He was small, Leia and Han were sitting on either side and they looked at the stars together, telling him of the planets and what they were like and how space tasted. They were millisecond snippets but Rey felt like she had lived them, the love he felt, the warmth the happiness, it was everything she had dreamed of in Jakku, alone in her small makeshift home. She was intoxicated by the rush as an excess of memories bombarded her once more. Kylo flying for the first time, Chewie cheering and screaming with every jerky movement, Luke laughing at him jovially, a mirror that showed a hilarious vision of a young Kylo Ren, teeth missing, wearing his father's clothes. His hands were so small it was hard to picture him as the same towering man. “Happy birthday Ben!” a million times over, a thousand versions of Leia and Han and Luke calling his name, for breakfast, concern, through giggles, through tears. Rey found herself mouthing his name, his real name, to herself along with the chorus that was being sung. He felt like a Ben, she decided at that moment, _this_ felt like Ben, everything good and grey. She made her way through countless memories, secrets he kept hidden from Snoke or himself until she collided with a strange group, they were new and clear, and soaked in a smell of citrus and summer that smelled…familiar somehow. She waded into the heat, it was so different from the others she couldn't pinpoint why she felt like she had been here before until she came face to face with herself. Close-ups of her eyes in the sun, crinkling, her face twisting in anger, glaring down the barrel of a sabre, her figure in the distance running, looking back, _her_ voice in his name in his head, in frustration, in hatred, in the forest on Starkiller, drifting away from him. 

It was such a stark discordance, not only in the earlier memories but in the feeling that wrapped around the images of disdain. There was no hatred, but instead, curiosity and intrigue that settled into each vision of herself. It was rattling and heartbreaking, seeing the images he clung too for some reason, why hide the enemy with everything else in here? She flinched through each memory of battles and words thrown out in anger, until finally, she found herself sitting back in that hut, her hands placed on shoulders, her eyes staring back, full of a sweet, hungry, kind of darkness. Her hands— _his hands_ were on her, the memory version of her, she was suffocating in that want and she never wanted to leave, then another crashed through, her scent stronger than before, a small moan escaping her lips as she knelt in front of him on that conference room floor, which lead into a collection, a symphony, of her small little moans. In dreams, in imagination, growing stronger, growing louder more lustful, until images joined in. She saw her self on him, sitting in the entrance of his room, she could feel herself blushing even from this beautiful cage in his head. Imagined images of her mouth around his cock, biting and sucking on his neck, his gland, her ass rising and falling over his crotch, guided by his hands, calling his name. “Ben!” the blurry vision breathed into her face, into her mouth, and Rey found herself chanting his name again, in tandem with this strange doppelgänger.Everything started to bloom around her, his scent was strong and heady. This was a strange revelation and everything about it made her feel like she should be screaming to be let out, to confront him and his perversions, but she was instead fighting giddiness. She wanted to see more of them like this, she wanted to replace everything before, every scowl with a smile, every dart away and strike against him with an embrace, a kiss, fill his head with little moans, real ones. She was dizzy, her head felt like it was stuck in a fog she never wanted to leave. Then, with no warning, she found herself being ripped from her newfound happiness, like being thrown into a cold bath to wake up from a dream, she was back, in reality, her small room dwarfed by the force projection of Ben kneeling in front of her.

Everything was topsy turvy, she could barely think with every one of Bens memories rushing to cement themselves in her mind. Every laugh and small gesture, the softness she had just been swimming in now being drawn into stark contrast with his glowering face and furrowed brow focusing in on her. 

“Maybe just once you could understand that sometimes hovering around an enemy mind isn't the best idea! I was trying to warn you before but no! Do you know that you could have killed me? Or worse, Snoke could have captured your fucking mind and then what, Rey, fucking think about these things, for a second!” His hands were shaking in fists at his thighs, she barely understood what he had said, her mind instead flicking through the fresh images of his hands on her, on his—Rey looked down to hide her blush.

“I’m so—I mean how can I trust that you weren’t just trying to…” she was willing herself to find some spark of anger, some quick remark she could throw back at his face to hide the storm of emotions wreaking havoc on her thought process, but every bone in her body just wanted to stop his hands from shaking. 

She chanced a glance up at him, his eyes caught hers and quickly darted down, it was only a moment but she could see something that resembled fear, concern in the dark pools. It was almost involuntary, naturalized like she had said it a million times before; her voice was low, a little shaky caught up in the emotional hyperdrive she had just been on “I’m sorry, I should have listened to—“

“Sorry?” he cut her off, parroting her words back in confusion. Obviously he had been expecting some push back, an easy kind of arguing they had come to settle into, but this was new territory.Rey fixed her eyes back onto his, they were swimming in confusion but beautiful in any case. She couldn't help but trace her way down, following the moles and freckles that charted a course all the way to his full lips. They were parted in service of his expression, but Rey’s mind jumped back to all the little kisses in his dreams, and couldn't help but wonder how it would actually feel.

Though it was hard to believe, Rey was fighting this urge or trying to talk herself out of…whatever was happening, but whether it was the force or the need to crawl back into that beautiful place in him, it felt pointless to fight the need to touch him. In a moment of clarity, Rey raked her eyes back up to meet his“It’s okay? I guess.” His voice was soft, almost soothing, she could have purred at the way his near-whisper hummed in his throat. “I just—we can’t let anyone know about this, it could jeopardize the safety of both us and I just can’t have you…we need to be more careful” he stumbled his way through, fidgeting under Rey’s relentless gaze. He reached a large hand to his head and brushed back a lock of hair and she couldn't help but notice they had both started to lean further into the space separating them, closing the gap ever so slowly.A heavy silence fell, neither knowing what was happening but not willing to break contact, to disrupt this odd electricity that was beginning to hum. 

“Why would it be worse?” Rey was nearly whispering, her voice was like syrup and she didn't have the mental capacity to question any of what was transpiring.

“What?” Kylo breathed, barely listening to the words being spoken.

“Why would it be worse if I was captured by him then you, dying?” It felt like the room was going black or falling away, and he was the only thing she could see. She studied the way his eyelashes danced as he stared back at her, how the corner of his mouth turned before he spoke, how his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, everything felt like it was being blanketed by the way his breathing was getting more ragged. Before he could answer, Rey rephrased the question “Why was I in there? That place in your head, full of _them_ and you, and…us” her blush scorched its way from her face down her body, she didn't feel the need to elaborate, she knew he could connect the dots. Flashes of what she saw lit up her memory, her lips on his, their bodies in tandem, she didn't care if he saw through the bond. The heat started to spread and burn into her chest and belly, she squeezed her thighs together in an attempt to create some sort of relief but it only worked to build up more tension. He didn't really need to answer, they were so close already, she just wanted to smell him, to fill this gap in between them, be surrounded by him again. They were nose to nose now, each of them staring into the other's eyes waiting for someone to call it off, but instead found their heads tilting, slotting around the contours to finally make contact. She followed his lead as his eyes fluttered closed, and took the plunge.

Everything came shattering around them. Rey pulled away when she felt his ghostly touch disconnect, it was different from the hut. Everything was hollow and sheer and a phantom of what they had felt, the force bond had tantalized them with the image of each other but took away their power to feel the other, to hold them. For the first time since they had started this affair, they could feel the distance, understand how far apart they really were, just projections, faint visions of what they could only dream of having. Frustration built up in Rey as she fought back the tears stinging in her eyes, “Of course the force chooses now to be prudish!” she huffed, trying to break the pregnant silence that had come between them. “I don't know what's changed, I just-“ she was cut off by Kylo’s ghostly touch tingling along her jaw, she lifted her head as the projection of his face tucked itself into the crook of her neck. It was light and barely perceptible but she could feel the light sparks of contact nuzzling into her skin breathing in the faint scent of her. Everything was set alight, it was barely anything but any small feeling of him started the fire in her belly again, and she breathed in the vague memory of rain and cool water. 

“Rey” Kylo whispered into her, she focused in on the wisps of pressure she felt, letting her know where he was, god she wished it was more. 

“Rey?” he repeated, more forceful, but she was far too lost in the moment to answer. 

_Omega_

His voice reverberated through her mind and a shot of electricity pulsed through every part of her. _Fuck,_ he had found out her little secret, and somehow it was not the biggest problem Rey had at the moment. Her body was on fire, the juncture between her legs was sopping wet, clamping down on air, hoping that soon there would be something there to hold onto. All she wanted was to tell Kylo, this big brooding man in front of her to do something about it. He traced his way up her neck until his eyes met hers once more, “Why keep this a secret, Rey? Scared of the big bad alpha?” he was whispering into her mouth, she could feel herself salivate. This was the thing she didn't want to become, some willowy lust struck idiot, a slave to her biology, she didn't want to be taken down by the heat between her legs. But when the word rolled into her mind, his voice dripping with delicious darkness and velvet notes, she knew there was nothing more she could be other than that, an omega, _his_ omega. Their breathing was getting heavy, and Rey could tell that this little dance was getting more painful rather than pleasurable the longer they drew it out; it was written over his face, the way he shifted in place willing some friction to give relief and the prickles of pain that slipped through the bond. Biting her lip and fighting against every cell in her body, Rey began to lean back away from his lips, his body that was no more than a vision. Kylo released a soft groan of displeasure at the loss of her, chasing down her projection to keep the illusion of closeness up until he was resting on his hands and knees, caging in her small frame. She raised a hand up to assure him, “resting” it on the broad chest that was looming half over her, as she felt her back make contact with the frame of her bed. She smiled through her lashes as she moved her free hand cautiously to her temple, tucking the whips of hair from her face in a strange gesture of nerves. Her heart was beating out of her chest, she didn't have time to think of the repercussions, of afterwards, the only thought that hammered in her head was **Ben**. She closed her eyes slowly as she traced her hand down the same cheek his phantom touch had caressed, down her slender neck which shot sparks when she hit the spots she had felt him nuzzle, through the all too covered crevasse between her breasts, until finally slipping under the band of her trousers, it found its destination. 

Too scared to look Ben—Kylo in the face, she forced her eyes to stay sealed and pressed her fingers softly into her clit, letting out a strained and breathy moan. She could barely hear the way, Ben swallowed hard, but she did notice the slap of gloves being discarded, the sharp sound of a belt being undone, the two ends clattering together loosely, as he began to free himself from his pants. She was in that dizzying place again, full of him and yet she knew that this wasn't enough, trying to gain some semblance of ground, Rey opened her eyes. He was there, her anchor and storm all wrapped in pale skin and raven hair that was being shaken from its perfectly positioned places as his body shook with his arm. His eyes were everything she had felt before in that place, the deep brown pools exploded in warmth and lust and calm, and something that resembled a deeper feeling, foreign to Rey for quite some time. She couldn't quite bear to look further down, to follow his hands as they moved and pumped at the space between his legs, she settled instead on his lips, as her name in a chorus of moans tumbled from between them. She couldn’t take it any more, Rey deftly followed the rhythm Ben had started to beat out as she slipped her fingers inside herself, joining him in a long and languid moan. She was soaking wet, the slip from her body soaked her fingers and thighs as she moved in and out, in and out, trying to simulate what her body was craving. She couldn’t think to where she wanted to look, his eyes that darted their way from her face down to her hands and back, his mouth that she was longing to have pressed into her, everything was too much and she could feel his force begin to lean in closer. The faint wisps of his movement, of his body, hovered closer into her, slotting himself between her splayed legs. She could almost sense his hand moving over top of hers, lining himself up with her opening, willing the pretending to feel more real, to feel her around him. Her eyes began to flutter slowly closed once more as he leaned his head back into the purchase of her neck, tickling her soft skin as he breathed his ghostly moans into it. Her walls began to squeeze and shudder, pleading to have more, to feel full, she slipped another finger inside and began to move faster, “Ben” she let slip out, it wasn’t a conscious mistake; she hadn't planned on humanizing him so much, on letting the man she had seen in his head and the man she had known become the same, but it just felt wrong to call him by any other name but his own. Ben let out deep and electrifying growl, She called his name again, more clearly, wanting him to elicit more from her. They were working quickly now, hands losing rhythm in order to come to bliss faster, Rey needed more, she felt so close but it felt as if she was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Her fingers weren’t what she was craving, what she needed was an alpha, not to get off by herself, alone in her room. He was tensing over her, she could feel him coming to his climax, which in turn only sharpened the ache that was beginning to bloom inside her. “Ben” calling his name one more time, more out of desperation than euphoria and with that he came undone on top of her, his body going rigid as he squeezed and pressed on the hefty knot that had grown at the base of him, she felt disappointed when she couldn't feel his spend anywhere on her, in her. Rey pressed on but with little luck, she could feel herself getting hot with the scent of him in the afterglow, tears prickling in her eyes and nerves beginning to build with the unreleased pressure. 

“Come for me, Rey” Ben whispered, a hint of concern cresting in his tone. He moved his hands across her, nervously resting large palms on her face and stomach and thighs, but it was only working to remind her of how distant he was from being there with her. She looked at him pleading, his face hovered above hers as his eyes began to brew in the knowledge that he couldn't help, the fear that she was in torment and there was nothing he could do. A sharp pain, a cramp, shot through her and she pulled her fingers out from herself. A hot shiver began to course through her as a tear finally began to roll down her cheek. She knocked her head against the hard bed frame behind her out of frustration and distraction from the familiar pain setting into her bones. Another set of growing pains she presumed as the cramps began to ebb and flow, shocking her out of the fantasy they had been living in for what felt like years. Flashes of pain and concern and confusion leaked into her mind as they bubbled over from Ben, and she tried her best quell his concerns, soothe him with feelings passed through their bond, but it only served to make him come closer, try to press into her more. It was unclear when she thought back to it, how it happened, but somehow she made it into her bed, back pressed into the wall as Bens near comically large projection lay beside her on her small bed. She was tired and aggravated but watching him breathe next to her, his head positioned atop her own, cradling her in his expanse soothed her. They fell asleep like that, pressed into each other's ghosts, holding onto the vague scent and shape of one another until they could meet again in a dream. 

Rey woke up alone, a dull ache still making its presence known deep in her belly and bones, a heat beginning to spread as she noticed she couldn't smell him around her anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been gone for so long! I've been balancing a whole bunch of stuff but I have this fic planned out and I WILL FINISH IT! EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!


	7. When will this end?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bubble bursts

There was an odd silence that had settled between them after that night; it was awkward and stilted but neither could seem to stray too far from this newfound intimacy. Instead, they settled into feeling, they danced around each other's force, caressing and holding onto the tendrils. It reminded Rey of how Finn and Poe would sometimes find each others hands in the middle of meals or briefings, as if it was a foreign concept not to be connected, not be touching. It felt easy, letting him come inside and play with her force like he was playing with her hair, or sinking into him like hands absent-mindedly moving to fit together; she couldn't help but smile at the feeling of things fitting into place. In honesty, they both felt too scared to mention what had happened. This looming feeling had started to crowd their minds that if they discussed the reproductions, if they spoke, they would burst the bubble, that the softness of a voice would remind them of who they were seeking comfort in. They wanted to live ignorance for a while longer, and so for what felt like days after their tryst, they didn't touch the fragile nature of things outside and instead basked in the splendor of each other silently. Besides, allowing this level of closeness made the aches that were erupting from inside her calm and the heat feel lessened by his cool touch. She wanted to imagine his hands on her lower stomach, soothing the dull pains as his lips dragged along her neck, he liked to imagine his hand slipping lower into the plush, wet, space in between her legs and his lips pressing into hers. They did that in this void space, swapped their wants and desires wordlessly through their mind's eye, some pure comfort and sweetness some dark and electrifying, willing that night and this small pocket of time to continue for as long as possible. Rey knew that eventually, it would end, this happiness, she was used to that, used to disappointment and regret, but she wasn't quite prepared for the shame she felt when a reminder came knocking on her door.

She felt Ben press closer and crowd her from the inside as she opened the door to Poe and Finn’s concerned faces. “Oh,” Rey said far too quiet, not used to using her body to speak. She cleared her throat and mindfully greeted them with a little more force and levity; “Hi you two, what’s the occasion?” Rey felt like she was stepping on to earth after a months-long voyage. The hall lights seemed so bright and sterile, her friends' faces seemed foreign after however-long staring at just one.

“Lovely to see you peanut, how are we feeling today?” Finn flashed a smile but his eyes were all sorts of worry. Rey must have looked a little worse for wear, she thought and pondered the last time she had seen the inside of a ‘fresher or a clean set of clothes. 

“I’m fine! honestly, just a little out of it I guess” Rey tried to straighten her self a little, smoothing the wrinkles out from her trousers and brushing the hair, that was now fully out of any sort of configuration and falling loosely over her shoulders, back behind her ears. Before she could think about what to say next she felt a pair of strong arms squeeze around her body locking her arms at her chest and tucking a face into her tangled hair. Ben started to spike inside her head, she could practically feel him trying to move inside her limbs to push Finn off but it was to no avail. Rey enjoyed feeling someone again, she was ashamed to say she forgot that she could feel an actual solid thing and not just Ben’s ghostly touch that slipped through her. 

“Urg, it's so good to see you even if you do smell like week-old rations!” Finn giggled as he pushed away from the hug. “We would have come to check on you sooner but Kaiboff insisted you get settled into your new…situation before any designations could come.” She felt a blush spread across her face as she remembered the reality she was living in now, she was an omega, guess there was no hiding that now. A flash of fear was beginning to rise inside her when her train of thought was interrupted by Poe’s worried voice “whoa, whoa, it’s okay there striker! Nobody else knows I’m pretty sure Rose would kill us if we went against Kaiboffs professional opinion. We only know because we could kind of…smell it, that night” Rey immediately felt her blush spread across her skin, prickling uncomfortably with the embarrassment that washed through her. She tucked her head down, as she felt Ben move through her trying to decide whether he should soothe her again or go on the defensive. A smile cracked along her face as she imagined her little guard dog barking at Finn and Poe, protecting her. She tried her best to wash some ease over him in her mind, reassuring him she wasn't in danger until she felt Ben begrudgingly settle a little farther back, giving her room to finally think. 

“Sorry about that, and this whole week and this whole mess, honestly I don't know why the resistance is even keeping me around after this” She let out a breathy laugh but there was a sting of concern and truth in what she had said. She was supposed to be this figure, the fighter, a Jedi, and instead, she's only caused more struggle than she's worth, and that's not even including her confusing affair with the man currently stalking around her head. 

“Rey, sweetie if we kicked off everyone that had a little designation trouble from time to time we’d be in rougher shape than we already are. And there is no way in hell we are letting our resident Kylo-killer go because she went ahead and decided to swap camps” Poe playfully punched her shoulder, twisting his wrist ever so slightly so the face of his watch was able to be read, a flash of panic crossed his face “Ohh speaking designation trouble, I almost forgot why we came. Kaiboff wants to see you, check-in on how you’re settling in and see if you can remember anything else. Mostly, I think they want to make sure they didn't dream the whole thing” the man winked and flashed his signature scoundrel smile, as he moved to grab Rey's hand. Ben practically exploded through her head, as he flooded swiftly back into the forefront growling like Poe could hear him; Rey moved her hands to her forehead as the feeling of him grew tight in her skull, okay she got the point. “Um actually I might pop in the ‘fresher really quickly, I can go by myself if you two have somewhere else to be” she smiled gently, trying not to seem suspicious. 

They glanced over the one another, a small conversation passed between their eyes before Poe checked his watch one more time, sucking in a quiet, sharp breath. “Okay, we do have to get to a training seminar, but we’ll send Rose to come get you”

“Really I’m fine, to go on my ow—“

“Please, peanut, just wait for her” Finn looked sincere. There was something not being said, something had happened since she last emerged from her room, but at present, she would rather let it pass so the one man cannon band in her head could calm down. 

“I’ll wait. Now, go can’t keep your students waiting too long” Finn kissed the top of her head and flashed a quick smile as thanks and he and Poe sped down the hall. 

Rey slowly pushed the door closed and started to make her way the ‘fresher. 

_They aren’t going to hurt me you know, besides all you're doing is giving_ ** _me_** _a headache,_ Rey jovially teased Ben as she could feel him start to calm down now that the two men were out of sight. 

_They might not be hurting you but they seem to enjoy touching you enough._ His voice was dry and dark, the sarcasm mixed with jealousy. She forgot how good it was to hear him, not thinking of their silent pact that had just been broken, but instead reveling in the voice that reminded her of thunder. She reached the ‘fresher and was surprised by the face that stared back at her in the mirror. Her hair was practically matted and falling around her face, which was showing the effects of her and Bens late nights and the pain and heat that had been ebbing in and out of every part of her body. Her hazel eyes were rimmed with sleepy redness and dark circles were blooming underneath the heavy bags. The white tunic top she wore was draping off her slightly in fatigue from too many hours being stretched and pulled around her petite figure, wrinkles crisscrossing around the fabric. No wonder Finn and Poe had been too scared to leave her alone, she looked like she had spent the past month in a cave.

_I would have guessed two by the state of that hair_ Ben interjected smugly. 

_Well, not all of us have a crew of servants that perfectly quaff our hair round the clock_ Rey quipped back as she started to brush out her locks into something resembling human hair. It had started to get long again, she noticed, as she ran the old paddle down through the knots, the smooth brown hair curving with the swell of her breast, its fringe almost touching the place where her nipple would be. She felt Ben stiffen as her eyes felt the need to go a little farther down from where her hair stopped, wanting to rest instead solely her chest. Rey rolled eyes forced them back onto her face; _really, I’d expect at least some restraint from the leader of the First Order._

_Might I remind you, it was the golden child of the resistance that was calling my name first as she touched her self?_ She could hear the smile when he spoke, his voice a low growl. 

_Well, I guess it’s a good thing that today we both remember our place then,_ Rey moved her hands to the edges of her shirt and pulled it off staring down at her body in the mirror. She could almost hear disappointment wrack through his brain as he saw the cloth binding wrapped from the top of her breast to her waist. It felt good to take off some of the layers she was wearing, her skin relished in the split second of cool breeze as she stripped, she couldn't wait to get under the cold water and feel some relief from herself. 

She began to grab for the strap of her binding, unraveling it slowly letting the cool air start to touch the skin around her ribs. The white fabric was just hitting the underside of her breast before she started to feel her blush set in, Ben was dead quiet, she could feel him watching her through her eyes nearly forcing them to keep on the disappearing fabric, his anticipation building, Stars what was she doing? A mischievous thought passed through her mind and she smiled, knowing Ben was too distracted to have noticed. She started slowly unwinding once more, unwrapping the coverings she used to keep her breasts secure before finally reaching the last few layers that covered her. Ben was practically crowding her vision as her hands unwound one turn, exposing the top of her chest, another turn the swell becoming more prominently exposed, the crevasse between them peeking out from the obstructing fabric, Ben was seeping into her. Another turn and she was almost completely naked, only one band of fabric crossed over the center of her chest, covering her nipples which had started to pebble under the scrutiny of Ben's unwavering attention. His force was ebbing into her like violent waves, she could feel his excitement growing which only served to stoke the fire in her belly and heat collecting in her new glands. She could feel him willing her to undo the last turn, to show him what he wanted to see. She smiled, and slowly started to move her hand around peeling the fabric from away from her. Just as it swept across, removing the last scrap of binding, she closed her eyes. Rey giggled at the frustration that bubbled over into her mind, she could practically taste the bitterness of his disappointment; stripping off the rest of her clothes, she felt her way to the shower stall and stepped into the cold stream, _That's what you get for being an utter Buckethead._

****************************************

The familiar white walls of the room beeped and hummed with the screens that had been secured to their facades. “One more deep breath in…very good thank you. You may put your covering back on.” Kaiboff lifted the cool metal instrument off of Rey's chest and refocused their gaze at the monitor. Grabbing the clean white shirt that sat discarded beside her, Rey slipped it back on over her head, using her hands to smooth out the stray hairs that had escaped from her half ponytail, and turned towards the Quareen scribbling down numbers onto their tablet. “Everything thing looks perfectly normal, well normal for an Omega. Your white blood cells, antigens, and what-have-you all are in range. In any case, you seem to be a perfectly functional Omega, although we still do not know much about what got you there. Your discomfort might just be an adjustment period. This change _is_ unprecedented, it is possible that the symptoms take longer to wear off than a normal presentation. Who knows, maybe that is just how Omegas usually are” Kaiboff gave a quick chuckle at their attempt at humour and Rey smiled politely fighting back frustration and resisting the urge to take her shirt back off. Her hand absent-mindedly lifted from its perch on the edge of the bed she was sitting on and began to fan her face. Ever since the incident in the ‘fresher this morning (or maybe since that night with Ben), Rey had noticed everything spiking; though it wasn't nearly as bad as her turning, her body felt uncomfortably hot and she could feel the dull ache of cramps start to settle into her lower stomach. She assumed Kaiboff would tell her that something wasn't sticking, she was making her transition back, that something had gone wrong, what she wasn't prepared for was ‘you are perfectly normal’, she sure as shit hadn't _felt_ normal in days. 

Kaiboff raked their eyes from the tablet screen and settled on following her hand as it flapped by her face, Rey slowed her movements and brought the offending appendage back down into her lap, clasping it with her other. 

“Sorry” she offered, “I think it’s just a little hot in here for me.” Kaiboff quirked their head to the side and slowly stood, opening a file on the tablet Rey couldn't quite make out before a cold hand was resting on her neck. Fingers prodded at the juncture between her neck and jaw and traced their way around to the back on her mating gland, Rey resisted jumping back when Kaiboff pressed into the sore bundle. She could feel Ben start wade closer into her mind, offering some comfort but following her instructions to not try to tackle the doctor from inside her. “Huh” Kaiboff puffed and spun to face the block of cabinets that sat on the wall behind their stool, sliding a hand deftly into a drawer while scrolling through text, scanning the page to find the information they were looking for. Before Rey could get a look at what was being brought towards her, a sharp pinch bit from her mating gland and Kaiboff pulled a long tube with a needle at the end away from the area. 

Ben had started to growl in her head so loudly Rey could barely hear Kaiboff start speaking. “—eat” pushing Ben back into the back corner of her head Rey refocused back on the doctor. “What?” she said when she could hear through her own ears again. 

“I said, it looks like you are going into heat.” Kaiboff restated shaking the vial of blood that had now turned a deep blue colour. “It is quite unusual actually, but it would explain most of your discomfort at present” 

_Great! Of course! When will this end?_ Rey practically screamed in her mind “why would that be unusual isn't that that what omegas do best?” the words had more bite than was necessary but she could feel the prickling frustration that had been present since her first visit to this room start to build itself higher. 

“Well yes, but usually it takes at least 6 months for an omega's first heat after presentation, the body needs to prepare after its change. Having a heat so soon after a presentation is quite strange, unless…have you come into contact with any new alphas? Anybody, that you notice spikes these feelings?” Rey felt a shot of panic run through her, did Kaiboff know about Ben—Kylo? How was she going to explain this? _fuck._ “I will take that expression as a yes then” Kaiboff clicked her pen and leaned into Rey, placing a delicate hand over her hands. “It’s called a break-through heat, it is uncommon but not unheard of, it usually happens when two designates are extremely compatible and will usually trigger an early heat for the Omega. Do you know the Alpha?” Kaiboff was using their bad news voice. Rey let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes. She could feel Ben start to buzz around her head pushing his way back from the peripherals, it was annoying how easy his excitement was to read. She nodded, “Good because your shipment has been delayed again.” 

***************************************

“I guess I owe Finn and Poe two weeks of dessert rations now, I’m never going to get to taste that Chagrain pudding everyone keeps complaining about!” Rose flopped on her bed, disturbing the crisp tuck of the blanket. After the meeting with Kaiboff, Ben was nearly drowning Rey in his relentless teasing, boasting about how powerful of an alpha he was, how he could bring an omega down from lightyears away. Rey eventually shut him out, not being able to grapple with this new development while the trigger was surrounding her thoughts. She felt the difference as soon as he was gone, the cramps and sweat coming immediately after his force abided her request to leave. It was only through her stubbornness she didn't immediately let him back in to be her salve, opting instead to ask to rest in Rose’s room, which was closer to the medical quarters. She didn't mind anyway, it was nice to leave her quarantine, to get some distance from the room that had been witness to her secrets, plus Rose’s bunk had more than enough material to distract her from her pre-heat symptoms. Books were piled in stacks, a tiny city of harlequin romance novels boomed in the small metal space, each at varying stages of ware. 

Rose hadn't always been such a connoisseur of torrid affairs and love-struck heroines, she had never had time to read much before settling into the life of a resistance fighter. But no one tells you how boring running and hiding can get, spending weeks on base waiting for missions, fixing something three times over just to be prepared, wracking your brain to find something to do while waiting for an alarm bell to ring. Then, one day, a team came back from a supply run in a town that had been decimated by some attack years ago, and with it they brought a book: _The Scoundrels Devaronian Empress_ and her hopeless romantic heart was hooked. Rey ran her eyes down the stacks, enjoying the overly dramatic names and delicate fonts until she reached her friend's extensive stack of Alpha/omega titles, _The troopers secret Omega_ , _Alaina and the Inferno, His promised Omega bride_ the names sounded off in her head. She hoped Rose didn't think of her like that, like someone's possession, a sex-obsessed caricature. _It’s not like you can still call yourself Kylo-killer anymore, he batted his big alpha eyes and called you Omega and you practically pleaded for his babies,_ she scolded herself. She could almost imagine the cover of her sad affair now, _The Dark Prince’s Jedi slave,_ the reality she had been avoiding started to creep its way back in, carrying with it the guilt she had been sidelining since Ahch-to. 

Rey refocused back on the woman in the bed, willing a distraction from the conflict that was brewing in her, pressing her arms into the cool metal of the door she was sitting against. “I mean they did kind of cheat anyway, they can smell heats from like a mile away, I don't have a sixth sense.” Rose huffed, turning her attention to the woman sat silently on her floor. “So…how are you feeling?” She quirked her head and softened her voice, it was strange how someone so young could feel so maternal at times. 

“I’m…processing.” Rey sighed “I can’t believe I’m going through a breakthrough heat, I can’t believe I’m an omega, this is all just happening so fast” she was beginning to break from her collected demeanor she had been crafting, Maybe a small part of her hoped that nothing would change, that she could still live the life she always had, but that dream was becoming increasingly more like a prayer. In less than a month Rey had cavorted with the enemy who she had sworn to destroy, not once but multiple times, betrayed her friends' trust, and become some lust stricken double agent that falls apart whenever Ben—Kylo Ren—says her name. Tears started welling in her eyes, she wasn't sure how much longer, how much more she could take bearing the brunt of this alone. Rose started to slide off the bed and kneel in front of her, big brown eyes ducking down to catch Reys. 

“Could you just tell the guy? Maybe he’d be willing to help with it, I mean I feel like any alpha would die for the chance to see our resident hero through her heat” _resident hero_ , the words hit a raw nerve and Rey couldn’t, in this swarm of hormones and secrets, bare to keep her frustrations in any longer. A loud sob ripped through her throat as she tucked her face into her knees, muffling, slightly, the display of weakness. She was angry and confused and felt like she was being torn apart; this, the resistance, Leia, Rose, Finn, Poe these people felt like her family, she couldn’t disappoint them, she couldn't betray them like this, she couldn't lose them all because of her biology but the thought of never letting Ben in again, it felt inconceivable, like cutting off a limb. Every decision hurt to think about, every outcome meant losing something she couldn't bear to. 

“Hey, whoa, Rey, it’s okay!” Rose quickly moved to gingerly stroke Rey's head, the panic was rising in her voice. She had never seen Rey look so fragile.

“No, it’s not Rose! I can't do this! I can’t lose you or him and I just want this bloody heat to stop, I want to stop wanting him!” Rey couldn’t gather the strength to look Rose in the eye, she was breaking her heart and she couldn’t stand to watch. 

“Lose me? Rey, you could never lose me! Who’s ‘him’? Rey you’re going to have to start answering something because you’re kind of freaking me out” The soft voice was wavering, cracking in the high emotions. 

“It doesn't matter, it couldn’t work anyway, I’ll just go through this fucking heat alone” Rey felt like she was reading from the pages of the books surrounding her. Dramatic and emotional, two things she had never once considered herself being, all over a stupid, beautiful, comfortable, dark man-child. 

“Rey, you know how dangerous it is to go through a heat alone, especially a breakthrough! I’m sure anybody would love to…unless they’re unavailable. Rey, are you in love with Poe, is that why you can't have him? because I’m really not sure if I can handle what that might mean for us and Finn and—and…” Rose’s face was turning a bright shade of red and she hurried through her thought, not giving time to think about the words before letting them run out of her mouth.

Rey's head shot up from her knees, as she swatted a hand lightly over Rose’s arm “No! I’m not in love with _him_ , I’m not in love with anyone! I can’t have _Ben,_ not Poe!” She nearly slapped her hand over her mouth when she realized what she had just let slip. Silence fell over the room as the name hovered in the air, Rey took to staring at the floor unable to meet Rose’s eyes. 

“Who’s _Ben_?” Rose broke the nerve grinding silence and Rey couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter. She’d been calling him Ben for so long she hadn't realized that was not the title most people in the resistance knew him by.She could see the concerned confusion split across Rose’s face but she couldn't help but laugh at the pitiful bind she was in, it would be so easy to just fabricate someone else, to continue to live this double life, but she was getting so tired of lying and she just wanted someone to tell her what to do so she didn't have to do it herself. She let her laugh die into an exhausted giggle, and wiped her eyes; if she was going to do this she was going to be strong about it. A deep, shaky sigh passed through her lips and she met Rose’s chocolate eyes. 

“Solo” she pushed out, completing the puzzle. 

Rose’s face twisted into several different stages of realization; confusion, shock, anger, sadness, anger again, each flash of emotion twisted in Rey like a blade. This was going to hurt, but she couldn’t keep lying to her friend, to her family, if she was going to hurt she’d rather it be from a place of love. 

“SOLO, as in Han Solo, as in Leia and Han Solo’s child, AS IN KYLO FUCKING REN! REY!” A rapid-fire succession of opened palmed slaps came down on her shoulder.

“Ow! Rose I know! That's why this can’t happen!” Rey called through her shield of arms wrapped around her head. 

“How _did_ it even happen, Rey!? You haven’t seen each other for months and now you're all hot and horny for one of the most deadly men in the universe? Why couldn’t you have fallen for Nichshel in strategy? He's a great guy and an alpha and not a homicidal maniac with so many daddy issues it spans two generations!” Rose sat back against her bed, her hands sharply emphasizing her points as she waved them in Rey's direction. 

“I didn't _choose_ anybody it just sort of happened” Rey sheepishly looked towards Rose’s exasperated face, straightening herself into a proper seated position. She felt like a child being scolded by her mother, or at least how she imagined that to be. There was disappointment scribbled over every inch of Roses face and body, but Rey could feel that it was coming from a place of love, which somehow calmed her in this torrid storm of emotions. 

“And how did it just sort of happen? Did he stop by on his way to go murder some children and you just happened to fall for him right then and there?” Her hands were wringing.

“I haven’t fallen for anybody! And no it happened while I was training with Luke,” Rose’s face was stern, that wasn't enough information. “Ever since Starkiller we’ve just been in each other's heads, I don't know how else to explain it! It's like he got stuck there and just decided to roll with it, I started training to help get him out but somehow it just made him more…more there. We didn’t mean for it to happen but we kept bumping into each other and it just felt good and right and then that night in the hut…” Rey could see Rose’s eyebrows shoot up. “Not like…umm but after that, I came back and this all started.” 

“So you're telling me this all happened because you two canoodled in a hut? Rey, did you ever think that this is some sort of trick? He's a skilled force user, he could be playing mind—“

“I know!” Rey interjected, trying to regain some of her dignity back in the eyes of her friend. “I’m not stupid, but I trust—I know this isn't a trick. It feels more like a pull from me, I don't think about it, it’s not like a switch being turned off or on. It’s like I want to like some deep primal part just knows what to do, but it’s still me.” Rey was explaining this more to herself than the woman sitting across from her. She hadn't let herself ponder her predicament too much, scared it would start to feel too real after she had come to terms with her feelings about it. 

A pause lingered before Rose spoke again, she was digesting. “So is that it? Did you tell Kaiboff, maybe they could run some tests on force things and figure out a cure!” 

“No, but what was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry for the inconvenience but I seem to have unwittingly been forced to spend every minute of my life with the Leader of the First Order flirting with me inside my head through a force connection neither of us can break. Ohh and one more thing I now seem to have changed designation because we almost kissed after I bumped into his force projection! Please help me with this magic curse doctor!” Rey slumped back into her defeated position, nearly missing the stunned face of the dark-haired woman as she wrapped her arms around her knees. She hadn't realized how much she had given away in her frustration, “wait—“

“Flirting? almost kissed? Rey, what the fuck? Have you spoken to him since Ahch-To? Is that all that happened?” Her rich brown eyes were wide and filled with pointed dismay. Rey averted her eyes, focusing on the tops of her knees where she twirled a finger, longing for Rose to drop the subject. But her silence was more than enough for her friend to understand the implications that it stood for.

“Is he here right now?” Rose’s voice sank into a whisper, a small bit of fear creeping into her sharp anger. 

“No I shut him out for a while, he was getting a little too annoying after he heard about my breakthrough heat” It surprised even Rey how calmly she could bring him up like he was a boyfriend who had forgotten an anniversary. 

“You know you can't right?” Rose’s voice was steadier, calm yet stern. Rey met her gaze shocked to meet a seriousness she had only ever seen in Rose when in battle. “You can’t keep him, Rey. You have to shut him out, I will ask Kaiboff about going through this heat alone but you cannot be with him, in your mind or in reality. You are the only hope we have left, you can’t fall in love with the man that’s trying to snuff us out.” Rey felt an ice-cold shiver run through her, this was what she wanted right? To have someone tell her what to do, it was just not what she wanted to hear. “Kaiboff gave you a day and a half before your heat starts that will give us enough time to gather supplies and find a place that's secure. I promise you Rey this will pass when your heat does, but you can’t give in, I can’t lose you either, I promise I will do what’s best for you, I’ll protect you” Her voice was starting to crack as tears flooded the bottom of her eyes. Rey nodded, she would have to try, for her, for them, for what they were fighting for, no more selfish indulgences she couldn't keep tearing herself between the two sides. She had made her choice a long time ago and it was time to stand for it. 

Rose pulled Rey into a tight hug, sniffing over her shoulder and patting her sore mating gland unknowingly. A cramp twisted through her abdomen and her skin burned at the places Rose’s warm body leaned into hers, trying to signal her that this was not the touch she needed to find. Maybe just one more night with him, one last time to say goodbye before she returned from the Grey area she had been wading in for far too long. She couldn't let go just yet, not without seeing him one last time. 

Just one more night, and then she could let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I swear some smut is on the way but what's fun without a little bit of angst and tension? Trying to get the next chapter done because things are going to start happening and I just want to start writing some sin.


	8. What are we going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have heard your requests and moved this plot up a little faster! The next chapter has ACTUAL SIN (!!!), in this one a little bit of some dark stuff. Thanks for sticking through this with me, it's mt first fic so there is a bit of a learning curve when it comes to story, but I think we can all agree it's time for this slow-burn to start heating up.

After an hour and a half of scolding from Rose, Rey and the petite spitfire of a woman sat side by side against the frame of her bed. Weak and hurt, she could feel herself loosen in resolve, this was the last day she would be able to feel him and she wanted to savor his scent, his feeling, the way she knew he was smiling by the way the force vibrated and ran down her spine. She let him in, bit by bit until his energy caressed her exhausted brain. He was quiet, neither of them could work their way through the tangled web of the last while, so he settled into his spot in Rey's body, helping her breathe and calming her until she said she was ready to give him more. Rey wished she could say it felt better to get things off her chest, but she still felt the weight of the situation hooking into her, making the pre-heat symptoms feel more pointed, with every dull cramp came with it a flourish of Ben, his nerves and deft force trying to cool her. She let out a long sigh, blowing the air upwards in an attempt to wick away the sweat that was accumulating on her brow.

“Do you want to be alone?” Rose offered, her voice was a little ragged from yelling but the sincerity was laden in her tone. Rey shook her head and gave a weak smile.Being alone, alone with him, meant temptation, he was already filling her head and body with his ghostly scent and familiarity of touch, if she was alone with him again, she knew she'd fall back into him like she had this morning, and saying goodbye was going to be hard enough without the complexity of an afterglow. 

_We don't have to you know; say goodbye,_ his voice rumbled in a quiet torment, and Rey reveled in his thunder, it was going to be hard not hear that. _You can hear it every day, Rey if you want._

_I can't do this now Ben, just let me feel you today, please._ Rey could feel him moving in her, shifting and settling into her neck and bones and belly, burning in his delicious warm glow.

_How do you want me to make you feel?_ He was smoldering but she could feel the hints of desperation, he wanted her to go back to this morning, to their bubble before Rose and reality. He pumped through memories of the last few days, and she could feel herself grow wet. 

_Ben, I’m serious, I’m not letting you try to get me off in front of Rose._ She was trying her best not to give him leverage, but it was already getting too easy to curl up in their togetherness again and her body was getting progressively warmer, preparing for the release he was supposed to bring. Rey could feel Rose’s head turn towards her, inquiring about the silence that had fallen while Ben preoccupied her thoughts. A bead of sweat started to roll its way down her temple as she focused on gaining some control in her head. _If you left her right now, I could be making you cum in less than 10 minutes,_ his voice echoed in her head and she let out a shaky breath, he could be very persuasive.

“Okay then,” Rose’s voice cut through her fog like a window breaking. Kicking her legs up and rolling onto her feet, she stretched upwards unfurling into a standing position as Rey refocused back on the world in front of her. “As much as I’d love for you to sit and wash my sheets in your heat sweat, I think we should go get some food. Lunch is in twenty, and if I can remember anything from those pamphlets Kaiboff gave you, food is important for an omega in heat especially one doing it _alone_.” The dimples on her face tucked in, her lips spreading into a small smile as she extended a hand downwards. Rey could tell there was still hurt hiding under that facade, but for right now she let the happiness in her heart spread, she was glad Rose was even still talking to her. Some part of her thought the stacks of star crossed lovers and ill-fated romances piled around them might have been good for something, after all, Rose was a sucker for a good love story. _Don't read into that too much,_ Rey corrected as a shock of excitement rolled into her. 

_If we’re already doomed Rey we might as well have fun,_ he slunk and pulled at the tension in her belly, a fluttery shudder echoed and Rey bit her lip to avoid letting a little moan escape. Looking up at her friend’s outstretched hand she could feel Ben imagining her pushing it away, going back to her room, trying to burrow the thought deep into her. It felt like moving through heavy currents of water opposing her until she finally grasped the hand that hovered in the space above her.

_If you’re going to play dirty I’m not going to listen._ It came out sweet, more playful, more like her defiance in the shower than a true disdain; tonight was later, she decided, she didn't have to let go just yet. 

Muscles a little weak, she let Rose pull her from the floor, her knees creaking and stretching uncomfortably from the change in position and the weight of her body. Rey smoothed out her hair and trousers, trying to release the tension in her back as she bent and raised her arms, pulling at the sore muscles. Ben was stewing, she could tell with every push towards her he was trying to convince himself just as much as her that their…whatever-this-was didn’t have die, but neither of them could picture a place where this could end well and she knew it. Best case scenario they stayed like this; enjoying each other through distance and hurting every time they realized how far they were from what they actually needed, flinching in meetings when they heard mention of strikes or plans, avoiding the fact that one of them was expected to die. Or, go back to how it had been, before all this; alone in a war neither of them saw an end to, ignoring the pull towards each other, staying set in the belief that loneliness is what they were destined to. A familiar wash of him made its way down her body and she looked up, knowing what she’d be met with when her eyes settled on the sharp features and scoundrels gaze. Her breath caught as she quickly straightened, Ben's tall frame loomed behind Rose blocking the doorway, his mouth quirked into a smile that pulled at her heart. They hadn't actually met face to face (or projection to projection) since the night her heat had been set into motion, they had been so worried about the aftermath, of the expected embarrassment but seeing him now with those pleading eyes barring into her only made her feel at home; it was a feeling completely foreign to her. Rey couldn’t quite fathom the two sides of her world colliding, she stood dumbstruck and sweating, faint whips of his scent hitting her as she tried to rip her eyes away long enough as to not arise suspicion from the woman in between them. 

Rose spun on her heel grabbing her hand, “Wait!” Rey yelped as the woman came face to face with Ben's chest, her button nose leaving only a hairs width between the black tunic fabric; she halted, looking over her shoulder in curiosity 

“What?” She was smiling, her eyebrow quirked in genuine confusion. 

“Do you not…nothing” Rey was flabbergast as Rose reached through the projections abdomen, waving her hand over the sensor and opening the door. She rolled her eyes and let out a light giggle “Man heats really do an omega in, come on, It’s a little sad when even I can't remember the last time I saw you eat, that's not something you can easily block out of your mind” pulling Rey's hand, she stepped forwards through Ben, a shiver noticeably disturbing her shoulders “I thought we had the heating under control” she huffed. He shifted to the side as he let Rey through, following their path down the hall.

Rey glanced up at his smug face, his full lips spreading into a triumphant smile, his eyes were alight when he turned to her. _How did you know she couldn't see you?_ She passed to him. 

_I just took a guess._ He moved to press his hand into the back of hers, letting the phantom pressure spark across her fingers and knuckles. Rey felt the annoyance bubble up as she realized what could have happened if he had gambled wrong.

“Do you think Finn and Poe would want to come, their lecture should be getting out for lunch soon right?” Rey turned to Rose, letting the feeling of Ben's anger at the mention of the other alpha, burn into her back. _You’re not the only one that can play dirty you know._

_*******************************_

They walked through the twisting maze of hallways leading towards the instruction rooms, passing the hangar entrance and spigot that led to the mess. Ben had settled into a strange silence; his figure grew close, he was nearly standing inside her, the tiny contact sparks being set alight with every step the faint linger of him pushed and pulled on her body, making it hard for Rey to walk without noticing the static building at the juncture between her legs. But the emotions rolling into her were far from the sensual energy her body was screaming for, he was tense and nervous the deeper they went, his eyes had grown over with Kylo’s steel, letting them linger and glower at every passer-by. His body seemed to move as her shield, an arm reaching around her sides when another alpha would squeeze through the small corridor around them, the other tingling at her lower back, it was not helping Rey in her efforts to try to calm down. She had started to feel the other people in the rooms surrounding them as soon as they strayed away from the quarters she had been quarantined to since she got back. It wasn't a secret that most of the people crowding the mechanics and pilots quarters were alpha, alphas made up most of the resistance, most of the galaxy, but it was the first time Rey had noticed just how disproportionate those numbers seemed to be. She wouldn’t admit it but having Ben at her back made her feel safe, her dark knight. Unfortunately, it also brought with it the intense omega feelings she had been trying to ignore, **Alpha is protecting you, Alpha is so close, he is a good, strong Alpha, he can provide for you.** This was the rhetoric Rey feared, the urge to belong to someone, to let him fight for her, to let him claim her, was in such stark contrast with the woman she was. She fought her own battles, she had always been strong enough to stand alone, but the heat and Ben were starting to make her question; just because she had done it alone for so long didn't mean she chose to, didn’t mean she always wanted it to be that way. Besides, she’d be lying if she said she hadn't noticedthe eyes of passer-by’s start to linger a little longer, dragging their way down her body as their nostrils flared ever so slightly, their scent strengthening after a drag of her. 

_Don’t like this Rey, you shouldn't be out so close to your heat._ Ben inched his hand from it’s resting place on her lower back upwards, tracing her spine and finding purchase on the curve of her neck his thumb absent-mindedly running a thumb over her mating gland.

_I’m perfectly safe, heat or not Ben. I know these people, they aren’t wild animals I'm fine so you can stop trying to phase into me._ She rolled her head a little, trying to get his fingers off her back without arising suspicion from Rose, but he held firm.

_They don't have to be wild Rey, you're an unsuppressed omega mere hours away from her first heat, that’s enough for any alpha to lose their sense. Just go back to your room, please Rey._ His voice was getting sharp, she could tell he wanted to command her, to force her to obey him. She hated how a little part of her wanted to dare him to do it, to feel him take control. She shook her head, that kind of thought process was not helping her burning skin or increasingly sensitive clit. As the rounded the final corner, Poe’s booming voice echoed from behind the first door on the right, Rey could feel the tenseness in her shoulders release the second she heard the familiar chuckle. 

_There you big brute, Poe is right behind this door and I’m sure he’s more than capable of fighting off any rut-crazed alphas nearby._ Rey wanted to bring some levity back, it felt very wrong having Ben behind the angry, brooding Kylo persona, especially since she had seen how that facade had been forged, but instead, a deep sting of sadness cut into her. Before she could ponder too long at the meaning of it Rose already had her hand over the sensor. 

“There’s only a couple minutes left, we can wait inside.” Rose stepped in first dragging Rey in by the hand as she offered a small wave to the two men stood at the front of the room. Never missing a beat, Poe smiled back and continued on his ramble as they took up residency leaning against the wall. Ben immediately moved to cage Rey against the metal surface, his hands positioned on either side of her head, emitting a low growl to the unsuspecting room, his eyes were wild. 

_You need to leave._ He commanded, it was an alpha command. 

A conflicting crash of emotions tumbled in Rey, she wanted to obey but the fact that he thought he could throw a tantrum because she wouldn’t go back to her room with him was more than enough to engage her stubbornness. She tapped her foot, trying to expel the nervous energy that was building from not listening to him.

_And you need to move._ She glared him down, _I’m not some half-wit omega you can order around like that, Ben._

_Rey, it’s—_

_I’m fine Ben, the only thing that severely inhibiting me right now is you. Now please just let me breathe, you’re too close._ Ben looked down, worry was wired all across his face. He could feel her anger bubbling up at him, but he didn't budge, letting her sweat under him. 

_Oh really, Ben,_ Rey swiftly moved to the side, trying to duck under his arm as inconspicuously as possible, dodging his hand to be able to get a clear look at the room.

_Oh no._ Without the crush of the black-clad man crowding her, it hit her like a punch to the gut; she could feel herself chocking on every single scent the room was bathing in. Nearly every one of them had to have been alphas, she thought, as she tried her best not to breathe through her nose for fear of gagging. Some of them were chemical, the suppressants and blockers mixing with their natural aroma, stinging in her nose, some were sickly sweet, mated and smelling of other people. The worst by far were the ones who coated everything in their full Alpha scent, smelling of scorched wood and gasoline, nothing like the rain, nothing like lush forests. Ben moved to pull her back but she motioned no. She was already feeling the effects of his hands on her, his body so close, and though she didn't want to admit it, she was getting nervous about her scent in the small room. She tried to focus on her friends voice, not the tall brunette woman three seats back who was practically salivating, not the man across the room who's eyes kept darting back and forth, not the blonde in front of her who had started to take long drags of her scent, his eyes tracing tracks into her chest. 

“Now as important as it is to understand your equipment, one of the most crucial parts of being a pilot is understanding your surroundings. Being able to be prepared and proactive is the thing that separates the good from the great, or as I say, the alive from the blown up in space. That was a joke, its okay to laugh, in fact that's how you pass” Poe gave the classroom to grumble out a low chuckle before continuing. Rey pressed herself into the wall, wondering how much longer this would take, the anxiety that was had been building started to pump her heart at double time, heating her skin and inadvertently releasing more of her scent. Ben was trying his best not to touch her, his leather-wrapped hands clenched and unclenched in time with his jaw.

“—Organa has told me that we will be starting drills! I know, I know, but we want to make sure that in case of an emergency we aren’t scrambling to find a station for everyone. New recruits will be meeting here in the mess hall, all trained pilots will be assigned fighters…” The words were like molasses coming into her head. Rey had taken to focusing on Finn, trying to hone in on his familiar omega feeling, but his face was only twisting into an expression of concern the longer she bore into him; she was starting to reach a boiling point. Everything felt very wrong, she wanted to curl up into Ben again, find his safe scent, let him block out the world but even in her state, she knew he couldn’t do much from his place in her head. 

_Rey please, I can’t…_ He was closing in on her, his pleading eyes and dark brows trying to convey his pain. He can’t help you, he can’t be your alpha. Rey’s nerves started to grind, she needed to get some air before her scent washed over the whole room, she needed to get the eyes off her, she needed to feel Ben, his calm again. With nothing but a curt nod to a surprised Rose, Rey waved a hand over the sensor and slipped through the barely opened door. 

The air felt cool and light in her lungs as she continued to speed down the corridor Ben in tow, trying to gain some distance from the oppressive space and cutting stares. Her feet carried her almost on memory towards the public ‘fresher rooms as she focused on calming herself down, lowering her pulse enough to let her scent and mating glands cool off. Her resolve was dying, the fear and nervousness that coursed through her body sent shocks of electricity to her sensitive nipples and clit, she could feel the wetness start to pool inside her as her pulse rang like drums in her ear. She heard the door slide closed and let out a shaky breath, allowing a modicum of relief to spread in the isolation; the silence was more noticeable as the sound of her breath bounced off the walls. She felt him move towards her and her eyes shot up to meet his downcast face, he stopped himself just before his hand to make contact with her arm. They were swimming in each other's emotions, letting them pass without regard for what might slip out. Ben was in conflict, he was angry and worried, he wanted to cradle her, take her away and hide her until she couldn't be anything but his, Rey was trying to fight off the need to let him. Her eyes stayed on him, his furrowed brow framing the russet eyes that held themselves back from meeting her gaze, his body that stood as her safe haven tensed in the fear that he had crossed a line. It was so odd to see this mountain of man, feared across the galaxy, be afraid of his decorum towards her of all people, _fuck it._ Before he could react, Rey moved into his frame, and drew in the whisper of his scent, willing him to feel solid, to be there holding her. It felt like a dream in the worst way, she could see his chest bending to cover her, see his arms move to her sides, feel the heat crush inside her just from the suggestion of his closeness but she just kept wondering when they would wake up. This wasn’t the best-case scenario, this was torture, they couldn't really live the rest of their lives like this. He laid his ghostly hands onto her back, strumming over her mating gland again, a small purr reverberated in her throat. 

“What are we going to do?” Rey posed the question out loud; it felt too heavy to let it sink their minds. It was the question they had been asking each other since the connection formed, each time it was asked it changed in meaning. This time there was no nuance of separation, no mystery as to how to get rid of it, or when they would eventually cut it off, this time Rey was asking about the thing they tried not to think about. They didn't want this gone, they didn't want to live without being close, without being able to touch skin to skin ever, and how that all seemed so impossible now.

Ben took in her words and thoughts, letting the moment draw out in a pregnant pause, trying to press her closer as he pondered an answer. His whole life had been that question, what was he going to do, what path was he going to follow, which side would he end up on? Growing up he was constantly in the corner of everyone's mind, their eyes would linger on him making sure he hadn't shifted to the darkness that was sewn into his genes; it was like they wanted him to find it, to prove they still had purpose, to prove he was the threat everyone feared him to be. He thought once he had followed his destiny, regained the path lost by his grandfather he would stop asking, and he did for a time, and then she showed up. The truth is he didn’t know, he had gone so far, already wrapped up into the foundation of a system he controlled and second-guessing everything because the only path he saw that was right was the one led to Rey, led to the greyness they made when they touched, the balance he had never once felt before in his life. He pulled away from her enough to meet her face; her freckles darkened into the deep blush that spread across her face and wisps of chestnut hair escaped the sloppy buns she tied, brushing against her cheekbones and neck. Ben never thought he could be so jealous of hair before, and he moved his finger to brush them back, they danced back as if a draft had disrupted them. She was looking at him through her eyelashes, trying to work out his mind while simultaneously getting distracted by her body’s need the longer she stayed pressed against him, wandering freely inside. Her scent was getting stronger and they could both tell she was almost ready for him, without thinking he bent down and pressed his lips on hers, both of them feeling the tingle that they had grown to love.

“You should go back to the bunks,” Ben said through the array of kisses he was pressing into her, he wished he could feel her tongue. 

“It’s fine, Poe and the others will be out soon” She let his mouth making its way down to her neck as he sucked and licked at her scent gland. She could feel the electricity building at her clit, the slick starting to pool as she pressed her legs together to indulge in the feeling. 

“Rey…” he started to move around her body, his hand massaged the gland at her back protectively as he moved the other up her side, tracing fingers along the front of her hip bone. Butterflies were scattering between them in contact, he could feel his pants start to grow tight as his cock began to swell.

“Ben I—“ he ripped his lips from her and settled his eyes directly onto hers, he was so close that if he were there, she’d be breathing in the air from his mouth.

“I can't protect you from here, and I want you to be somewhere safe before I let you cum.” His hair was falling in front of his face, his breathing was heavy, she didn't realize he was just as heat crazed as her.

“Ohh, okay” the words dripped like honey; she nodded, letting him press his forehead into hers as they tried to feel the pressure of each other. Her body was tingling and her knees were getting weak in the proximity to the alpha that her body was calling for. In the thick fog of Ben Rey couldn’t find a reason not to just fuck herself there, but maybe being behind a door that locked would be better than screaming his name on the floor of a public lavatory. She needed to calm down before she could walk, then she could listen to him moan her name, imagine her fingers were him pressing inside her, filling her up; against every cell in her body, she peeled away from him trying to gain some of her facilities back. She drank in the man in front of her, his body still hunched over, molded to her shape, his black pants tighter than they had been before, this time she wouldn't be too afraid to look.

Pulling her eyes away from him, she quickly turned towards the sinks backing the wall, trying not to think about what was going to happen. Five minutes, that's all she needed to bare, five minutes and she would be back in their bubble. Rey turned the tap and collected the cold water into her palms, splashing it onto her sweat-soaked face. The shock worked in bringing her back down a couple of levels but she still felt the tingling sensation moving through her body, sending pulses of heat into her core. Lowering her head to the basin, she let the cold run along her face, the water getting hot by the time it could stream off the contours. She could feel Ben’s eyes staring at her ass and tried to angle her head so the stream would hit the pulse point on her neck; _five minutes, five minutes, five minutes_. She wouldn’t have noticed the sound of a door sliding open if the sickly smell of tar and electrical fire hadn't come wafting in with it. She turned the faucet off and wicked the liquid away from her eyes, the smell was unfamiliar but distinctly burnt, she couldn't help but feel her pulse spike when she realized it was one of the alphas from the class. She swallowed hard, blinking away the droplets that had gathered in her lashes and focused in on the blonde man blocking the doorway as quickly Ben moved to cover her, a loud growl ripping through his throat. 

The man lingered in the doorway, taking in a deep breath from his nose. He licked his lips “God you smell amazing, I wish I had known our little hero was going into heat, I would have at least brought you flowers before fucking you.” Rey’s heart sank to her stomach as her eyes darted back and forth between Ben and him. Nerves pushed their way into hyperdrive, her heart was hammering in her chest and her eyes started to quickly bounce around the small room, trying to locate anything that could be used as a weapon. The man inched forward, his stature growing larger and more menacing the closer he came; Ben was fully blocking her now, trying to punch and push at the broad chest that only stepped closer through the projection. Rey tried to clear her head, backing up with every step the malicious figure took towards her until despair panged through, she felt the press of the sink push against her back, she was trapped. Thoughts bounced around her head, but it was hard to grasp onto any of them while her anxiety projected images of what would happen if she couldn't think of anything. He was only a foot away from her now, she could see his face pushing through the image of Ben’s back as her mind was running blank except for one thought. 

“BEN!” she cried, not knowing what else do, she was frozen his scent was washing over her and it turned in her stomach. This was all happening so quickly, her legs were still weak, why couldn't she move?

_“_ Keitren, actually, but you can call me alpha” The Blonde stepped forward trying to cage her in against the sink but, instinct took hold and she threw a quick jab into his oncoming face. He stepped back in stunned surprise, a chilling smile splitting his face like a gruesome joke “That’s okay, I can play rough too.” Quicker than Rey was expecting, his face pulled forward teeth flashing in an instant as he aimed his head towards her neck, she swerved in panic, his teeth scraping down her shoulder. She felt something hot and wet trace up the wound, his tongue gliding along her bicep towards her horrified face. Without thinking Rey raised her hands and pushed him across the room, using the force to make sure his impact with the wall sting. She held him there using all the strength she could muster to focus in on pinning him in place, she just needed to get through the door; a wave of sharp pain stabbed through her belly and her hold wavered slightly. 

“Can you hold him? Please just, focus your energy, deep breath in, feel the force working through you.” Ben’s voice was shaking, she didn't know when he had come to be there but he backed her like a shadow, his arm rising out of habit, trying to use his force in tandem with her in vain. She could feel the terror and helplessness overflowing and colliding with her own as she honed in on her strength, but the force was wrapped up in Ben's feeling, the more she tried to draw in, the weaker she felt from the influx of him inside her.

_I don’t know,_ was all she could say, tensing her jaw.

A metallic kind of chuckle pushed into her ear,“Come on Omega, I can take your heat; I’m sure you wont care once my knot is inside you. God your pussy must be dripping by now” he was licking her lips, drilling into her body with his eyes. 

Rey could feel Ben moving and pacing, his protectiveness weaving into her, sparking her omega sensibilities and making it hard for her to keep her grip. The man was pressed against the door, at present her force was barely strong enough to pin him there, let alone try to move him away, and she wasn't sure if she would be fast enough to outrun him in her condition. Her mind bounced through strategies and action plans but all of them seemed to fall short, she was in the thick of panic and the only thing she wanted was for her to be back safe.

_BEN! HELP ME!_

Ben was using every muscle, every cell in his body to try to pump his power into her, to reach in and control her, give her strength but there was nothing he do, he was a ghost, not a knight or protector, but a helpless spectator. A scream ripped through his throat, and Rey was beginning to grow too weak to keep holding. Her grip on the man faltered, and before she could think to refocus herself, he was pressing her against the wall, his foul scent flooding her lungs. “There’s a good girl.” Rey was swatting at his shoulders trying to push him back, but the heat was hitting her heard, her muscles felt limp and her body weak. She could feel Ben start to burn, recoil into his dark place, as he tried to will Rey to fight, crawl into her arms but just feeling him made her body confused and happy and burn with the recognition of her alpha. Tears were prickling her eyes as the man pressed closer, she was getting weaker in defeat, and then…WHOMP! 

Suddenly, Rey found herself able to move again as the blonde alpha fell to the floor, his head resting by the boots of Finn who's hand was glistening with a thick spattering of blood. Poe came up from behind him, tapping the alpha with his foot to make sure he was out before extending an arm to help Rey pull away from the wall and around the incapacitated man. She was dizzy, with heat, with Ben, with panic and fear, she could barely notice when Rose and Poe led her out of the fresher and into the hall until the air hit her face and she realized the air didn't burn in her throat. With the first shaky breath in, it came out as a sob, the world was spinning and all she could think of was Ben’s eyes just before. She felt a hand softly touch her shoulder and looked to see the faces of her saviors, each one at varying degrees of furious and terrified, she could see someone was missing. 

“Rey are you okay, did anything…are you hurt?” Finn’s voice was on high wires. 

“Rose we told you not to let her out of your sight, she’s in heat! She doesn't have her shots or suppressants, it’s not safe for her to be walking around alone!” Poe jumped in before Finn's question could land, his nerves were peaking and his voice cracked as he was starting to digest what had just happened.

“Kaiboff said a day and a half AT LEAST, she still has a full day until her heat! And how was I supposed to know she wasn't just getting some air? I didn’t know she was running off!” Rose went on the defensive, the argument ramping up above Rey's head.

_Ben?_ When had he left?

“A DAY MY ASS ROSE! **We** told you she was less than a day away if that, and I have to imagine that **this** whole thing probably just pushed it forward, she's going into heat now! If she doesn’t want an alpha to see her through this, we need to find her a safe place, preferably not in the middle of a base crawling with guys like Keitren.” Poe was yelling as quietly as he could, but his voice still echoed off the walls. 

She could feel him moving in her head, but he was fuzzy like she was looking at him from a distance; she just needed to see his face. A cramp stabbed through her and she squeezed her eyes shut. Her body was still trying to process the confusion and Bens distance was only making it more stressed. 

“Urg you two stop it! Rey, do you need to go to the doctor, or back to your room? Just tell us what you want.” Finn was between the other two, leaning in to help Rey straighten up into a proper standing position. Her skin burned where his hands grabbed her, Poe was right, something was starting now and she knew she didn't want to do it alone anymore.

“I need to go. I want him” She was making an effort to speak as evenly as possible, this wasn't her pleading, this was a statement. Rey looked straight up to Rose, willing her to understand that right now this wasn't a choice, for either of them. 

Her face screwed up into a hurt, angry, grimace; “Rey, you can’t; I won't—“ A high pitched shriek cut her off. 

Alarms were blaring through the hall as the lights started dimming to red. Rey’s brain was buzzing trying to take in the absolute cluster-fuck that this day had become; she reached into her mind trying to find Ben again, something that made sense, but he was too far. Frustrated she glanced around trying to find another anchor point. 

“Goddammit, the drills! Finn, Rose we need to get her out of here!” Poe slapped his hand on his forehead as he barked over the siren.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Rey was so tired of surprises.

“Leia wanted to start doing drills today it was supposed to happen at the end of our instruction, but this fucking shit happened! Everyone from the instruction rooms is going to start crowding down these halls, we need to get you somewhere safe. What's the fastest way to get to your room?” Poe and Finn were already hoisting her arms over each of their shoulders, trying to alleviate as much pressure as they could on Rey so they could move quickly.

“No good going no her room, the strategy hall lets out down by the bunks. There are at least..ten unmated alphas in those rooms.” Finn tried to slow Poe enough to be able to get a direction before full-on sprinting.

“Rose any suggestions, we’re running out of time” Poe was vibrating.

Rey, shimmied her arms lose from Finns grasp and turned towards the woman behind her; “The falcon” even Rose couldn't argue that it wasn’t the best chance they had. The hangar was about three hallways closer and they could take a short cut through the kitchen. 

She turned her brown eyes to the ceiling and breathed out in frustration, “Fuck, okay” As quickly as she could, she pulled out her datapad from her pocket and motioned for the three to follow her. She was jogging as she pressed buttons and typed, moving through the halls as if she could do it blindfolded. Rey struggled on her weak legs to keep pace with Poe’s feet. “I was NOT supposed to tell you this but I guess desperate times; I’ve been the one in charge of your supply shipments, tracking them, organizing pickups and stuff. The only trading place that our sister base can land on has been a hot spot for pirates and First Order checks, and Leia knew that if you had the chance, you’d just decide to go get them yourself, so if Leia finds out about this it wasn't me!” Rose threw the text boxes into a folder and sent them to a spare transfer chip stuck to the side of the device. “Your next shipment is supposed to be rendezvousing with a runner in the next twelve hours, I’m giving you coordinates to be intercepted. Hopefully, you can wait out the rest of your heat in space, but the least we can do is get you a birth control shot.” Rose slipped the Datapad back into her pocket and looked back at her sternly, Rey wasn't sure if it was a warning or dejected compliance. 

The sound of boots started to march down the hall behind them, the scent of alphas wafting into the small corridor as doors slid open to lines of people quickly moving towards their muster points. Rey could feel her stomach tighten trying to move her legs more quickly and breathing through the fire on her skin when suddenly she was being hoisted up into Poe’s arms, his strides growing longer as the crowds started to gain. Her bones were beginning to feel the heat and her nose was being inundated by the smell of wrong people, she just wanted to smell him. Her brain was fogging over, only one thought was able to penetrate

_Ben. Alpha. Ben._

They Burst through the hangar doors as a vicious spike of pain wracked through her abdomen, while Rose and Poe, dodging toolboxes and ducking under fighter wings, made a beeline directly for the corner where the old ship sat. She was only getting snippets of the world now, the fire in her belly was raging and everything felt like it was craving to be touched, she wanted her alpha. People were filing into the room over Poe’s shoulder, their eyes immediately settling on the woman eliciting the scent they were born to hunt for. He could sense it as well, Poes feet fighting to move faster as he could feel the alphas interest start peaking as Rey's scent grew more in the space, some even starting to approach.

_Where are you? Don't be mad._

Rose pulled farther ahead, quickly moving to open the ramp of the Falcon, looking on at the hangar and making sure they still had some distance. Poe booked it up the platform, only slowing down as the walls of the familiar ship wrapped around them; his breathing was heavy as he made his way down the corridor and into the cockpit, placing Rey in the Pilots seat. The muffled sound of a crowd talking was heard in between their labored breaths, he moved to the window, his face trying to disguise his nerves but she could see his jaw clenching and unclenching as the smell of tens of alphas on alert spread. Footsteps rattled from the hall behind them and they both moved to the defensive only to be greeted by Rose’s sweat-slick face.

“Okay” she gasped between deep breaths, “we don't have much time, Finn was able to grab some rations and water from the mess, hopefully you can grab a bit more from the supply ship your meeting” she pushed past the man leaning against the dash-com and pushed the chip into one of the data slots. “I'm setting your coordinates now, all you have to do is punch it after you're off-world, but that means you're going to have to get this ship out there, piece of cake right?” Rey nodded groggily, trying to fight the urge to sleep through the pain or fuck her way through it. 

“Rose we gotta go, the boys are looking little curious” Poe pulled his eyes from the window and stationed himself at the entrance of the cockpit, listening for signs of approaching people. 

“Go ahead and make sure they don't get too close, I’m almost done here” Rose set the computer to its intended target and popped her chip out, slowly turning towards her friend. “You know, I really, really don’t like this.” She wasn't looking at her, instead favouring the floors, only after a beat did she let her deep mahogany eyes meet Rey’s, she could see the torment. “But I love you, you're my family now” stepping forward, Rose placed her hands on Rey’s shoulders, the skin boiling. She leaned in pressing her lips to the top of her head, “I trust you, I know that whatever you choose you don't do it lightly; just don't do anything too stupid. You were a beta once, maybe some part of you still remembers how to think around being horny. I can’t lose another sister” voices from outside were beginning to grow louder, they could hear Finn’s voice rising.

Rose sniffled “Okay, you just got to get this hunk of junk off the ground. Fire up once you hear me leave” before Rey could think about what to say, Rose was already making her way out towards the ramp.

The need to nest, to go to sleep for a week, to ride on her fingers until she was screaming all were pulling at different parts of her. The heat was so strong she could barely focus enough to sit up straight and engage the start-up sequence. 

_How the fuck do I fly this thing again?_

_You tell me, my dad barely let me in the cockpit let alone fly the damn thing._

A rush of butterflies and fire coursed through Rey's body; _Ben._ She felt his cool sparks start to dance along the lengths of her mind, doing his best to quell her symptoms from his place far away. She just needed to be here for five minutes then she could with him, the crowd was gathering and she could hear someone yelling from across the hangar floor. Pulling through her mess of emotions, Rey sat up and started flipping switches, her hands knowing where to go before her mind did. She could hear the engines start to boot and her hand shifted to the steering shaft, toggling the lever up and slowly pushing the ship off the ground. 

_Ben. Ben. Ben_

That was her mantra, her grip on sanity. Through the window she could see Finn and Poe holding off a crowd of confused and agitated people, looking up as the Falcon began to turn towards the opening doors. 

_Hard parts almost over,_ he whispered. 

_Easy for you to say,_ her body tensed into a cramp as she punched the lever forward, moving into the open space and up into the air.

One minute, she chanted as her will to stay on task was draining

_Ben where are you right now?_

30 seconds

_I need you_

10 seconds

The air was getting thinner, she could feel the artificial gravity, beginning to pull on her. She was so tired, so wet, her body was calling for a release, any kind of release, her fingers, a knot, she needed him.

5 seconds

_I want you, Ben, so badly._

Space; she could taste the metallic sourness of the ship's oxygen, outside her window a spattering stars decorated the void. Quickly pushing herself onto her feet, Rey hit the button that started the automatic navigation and started to make her way to the living quarters. She stumbled down the corridor peeling off pieces of clothing and depositing them in her wake, letting her body burn in the delicious need. There was no more question of what they were going to do anymore, she was going to find him, fuck the consequences, she wanted all of him. She flopped down on the sectional, only her breast wrap and underwear remaining on her body. She wanted to fuck herself to the sound of his voice, she wanted to let him know that he was doing this to her, but more than anything she wanted him inside her, touching her, biting her. Her hand found its way down her body and pressed into her wanting clit, she moaned loudly, wanting him to hear everything. Her fingers slipped inside her wet core, the walls pulsing at the feeling it had been craving all day; she moved quickly, her skin burning as she moved closer to a climax. Ben was swimming in her again, feeling her pleasure through the bond that vibrated and glowed, pulling them together, drawing out more sensitivity from her as it coursed his arousal into her. She was reaching her peak, he focused in on her opening everything into her, she could feel his sadness his lust and an overwhelming outpouring of what she could only assume was love. She shattered calling his name. 

_Fuck, I want to see you,_ his voice echoed in her as she let herself pulse around her fingers craving more. 

_Ben, find me._ She was fading in the ecstasy, he was crashing into her but her body wanted to rest, to prepare for him, for them together finally. Her eyes were growing heavy against her own will, and she found herself drifting in and out.

_I’m coming_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter was a little all over the place, I wanted to combine some stuff so by the next chapter, we could finally see them together in real life. I will try to get the next one out asap, I know we all wanna get to the good stuff and have some happiness for our two moody lovebirds.


	9. I Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this slice of happiness in these dark, dark days.

The ship was near-silent; slight tinks of metal settling and moving, the gentle rumble of air passing through ducts, the lights turned down due to inactivity casting long shadows over the fuzzy visions that had started to come through. It came to her in phases as she fought to open her eyes, to regain consciousness; she lay blinking, her body not ready to respond, as she let the discomfort of being awake seep into her slowly. A steady beat pressed against her skull in time with her heart stinging as it pulsed, her muscles felt like they were made of wet linen as she tested them, trying lift to the hand that laid by her face. When the room around her stopped seeping together, the definition settling into its consistent state, she forced her legs to unfurl away from the warmth of her body, the air felt too cold against her skin, but it worked to expel the lingering sleep that clung to her. She was in a lull, her ben-fuelled release had worked in calming the heat for the time being, but the hunger and emptiness still echoed in her womb, this quiet wouldn’t hold for long. She turned her face into the couch cushion it had been resting on and positioned her hands under her shoulders, her eyes squeezed closed, wincing at the stiffness and pain, as they lifted her torso up, pushing her heavy body into a seated position. 

Rey felt sensitive to every touch and shift, the couch felt soft under her fingertips and even the act of slouching started to make her clit percolate under the pressure of her thighs. It didn't help that the familiar vibration of the force bond was beginning to wake within her core along with her, its pull feeling more taught and electric now that she was fully in heat. The wetness that had started to pool only served to remind her of her bone dry tongue, she hadn't had water in what felt like days, and it didn't help that she had spent the majority of her time in the last twelve hours crying or yelling. Pushing away from the memories, Rey forced her feet to take the weight of her body and moved one foot in front of the other, making her way to the storage cupboards that housed the rations Finn had smuggled away for her. She sifted through the hastily gathered packages until her hand hit the cool metal of a water canteen, it took her no time to unscrew the cap and drink half the bottle down. Her tongue traced along her lips, collecting the droplets that had settled there as she contemplated the time; she had to be prepared for the drop and that meant making sure she wasn't ready to crumple into a sweaty pile of heat when collecting her supplies.Against every bone in her body telling her to rest more, Rey fought her way down the familiar corridors towards the cockpit.

Her mind was slowly starting to stick together, Ben was too far to intrude upon her thoughts, and though it helped with collecting her bearings, a small storm started to swirl in the pit of her stomach at his distance. The lights were beginning to shine at their usual capacity now, which felt like looking directly into the sun, it was a relief to finally step into the darkened room from the quickly illuminating hall. The faint coloured buttons and the dim light of the stars lit up the small area enough for Rey to move around comfortably, or as comfortably as she could with the aches creaking through her. Making her way towards her usual chair, she noticed the radar screen notifying her of an oncoming ship. Bleary-eyed and confused, Rey hurried to the dash, trying to pinpoint the signal and identify the ship before the drop missed her as the runner they were looking for. But before she could send out a word, she glanced at the coordinate tracker, she was still at least eight hours from the rendezvous and the revelation hit her like ice water; this wasn't the ship she was waiting on.

Quickly, trying to calm herself down from the fear, Rey turned back to radar desperate to find a sign of good news. The ship was cloaked, she couldn't make heads or tails of the model from the outdated system and it was approaching from a blind spot; it didn't look like it was the turn of events she was looking for. Her body started to vibrate as the light on the screen started to enter into the inner circles, closing in on the tiny dot that signified the falcon. Her mind started to race back to what Rose had said, the area was crawling with pirates and First Order patrols ready to commandeer any ships that entered into the zone, her heart began to beat faster, the spikes of anxiety plucking on the already tightly wound bond out of habit, calling for him before she knew she was doing it. It was too late to deploy shields and the ship had no doubt already locked onto her signal, running would only prolong the time between their fight, and time was not something she had a lot of. She had been lucky the last time but trapped on this ship alone, she wasn't sure how well an omega in the thick of heat would fair against armed assailants. She looked down, she was still sporting only her breast wrap and undergarments; moving as fast as she could Rey jogged down the hall back to the living quarters collecting the discarded clothes she had thrown on the floor. 

_BANG!_

A slight jolt rocked the Falcon, the ship had latched, the thought sunk low in her stomach as an alarm started to sound. Pulling on her wrinkled trousers, Rey began rummaging through the storage compartments, looking for a blaster, a staff, a saber, anything she could use to defend herself. She was grasping at the feeling, trying to hold onto his protection but the bond was strangely hard to touch in its intensity. Skin was beginning to heat, the bond was practically shaking her from the inside out, its energy being spurred on by her stress and heat; her hands opened another cupboard as she cursed it. A drilling noise was ripping through the ship, they were working on the doors now, she was beginning to think she had run out of luck. Grabbing the biggest wrench she could find from the maintenance bag, she readied her stance, trying to pull strength from her weak muscles and distracted mind, it seemed like the bond was only expanding. It was bubbling inside her, like a bird trapped in a cage, almost excitedly crackling and popping through her skin; her knees were getting weak as it started to collect in her core. 

One last shallow bang, they were through the door now.

The world around her went silent, the tinks of metal, the low hums, her ragged breath cutting through it all as she waited for her chance. Hands squeezed down on the cool metal, as she stared at the hall entrance; it was getting hard to breathe, she knew fear should be gripping her by now but somehow, deep inside her, it felt strangely…good. Boots began to slowly echo their way down the corridor towards her, the force burning through her veins, shocking her body with a flurry of jolts that pointed themselves directly into her belly every time the steps loudly rang out.

_clomp_

_clomp_

Something intoxicating was beginning to surround her, as her vision was growing fuzzy with need. It smelled like something she could live in forever, she wanted it everywhere on her, inside her; something familiar. 

_clomp_

_clomp_

They were almost in front of her now, and Rey’s body was betraying her. It wanted to relax into the floor, to enjoy the feeling that was washing over her, to give in to not only her heat but the near blinding bond that was growing so strong it was practically taking over. It was hard to hold onto her bearings as she tried to remember why she wasn't naked, why she wasn’t letting go right this second, opening herself up to be dominated and sated by the alpha that was so close, and so delicious. Her eyelids squeezed shut as she dug her hands painfully into the hard edges of the wrench, trying to stay focused on the task at hand, on survival. The footsteps stopped, but she knew by the sound they were in the quarters, right in front of her. Slowly, she began to peel her eyelids up, readying herself for a fight, when she realized…she had seen this silhouette before. There, in the light, she could make out the tall figure, the wisps and tendrils of hair that fell upon broad shoulders clad in black and leather, hands that gave away the nervousness at seeing her, clenching and unclenching, holding themselves back. A fracture of emotions happened all at once, his projection seemed so sharp like the heat was egging on its clarity. She felt like she could touch him, she could cry at the irony; he was here answering her call, so visible he felt real, just in time to see her be attacked by whoever had entered her ship. 

_Ben! I don’t know what to do, I can’t fight them, I’m too weak, help me._

Rey held steadfast to the wrench as she tried to listen through her beating heart for the sound of footsteps, but the ship was silent as they stood meters away from one another. The bond was practically sending lighting bolts directly through her veins, it felt so oddly tangible like it was manually pumping life and lust into her with every breath, fogging her senses with his smell and thoughts of those hands on her. 

“There is no one coming, Rey” Bens voice echoed off the walls, the deep bass rattling through the floor and up her legs, almost making them buckle. His voice sounded so clear like she had been listening to him underwater all this time and she had finally breached; every pitch and tone rang out like a bell across a lake. She stayed her position, confused and growing weaker the more his scent filled the room. Everything was beginning to ball together, she needed to get her head straight, she needed to protect her self, she needed—in mere seconds Ben spanned the distance separating them, tentatively tucking a hand under her mop of hair and slowly, gently, placing his hand onto her mating gland, stroking little circles onto the tensed flesh. It was instantaneous, the relief and calm washed over every part of Rey, it was cool and warm and euphoric. It reminded her of his memories he kept locked away, the feeling of protection and love flowed freely with every press of his hand. Bens eyes were boring into hers, trying to seem calm and concerned but she could tell they were smiling, these were his happy eyes full of fire and deep cedar earth. Her brain couldn't comprehend this reality, he couldn't actually be here, she was going to wake up and it was going to be gone, but something about the way the bond was pulling, like two magnets so close to clipping together, made her slowly settle into the idea; Ben, Alpha, was here in front of her, no tricks or force but physical and real. 

Ben was here.

_Kylo_ was here. 

_There is no one coming, Rey,_ the sentiment turned slightly in her head.

He stopped when he realized Rey’s expression go dark. She was still wielding the rather large, metal bludgeoning tool in a defensive position, he pulled his hand from its spot at her back and brought it back down to his side.

It would be so easy, she could end everything right now, the war, the suffering, everything, with just one swing. For the first time since he stepped into her ship since they had started their flirtation, they looked at each other in the eye fully seeing the person, the reputation, the figurehead. They didn't need to say what they were thinking, the thoughts flowed freely between the bond that was quaking in their close proximity. They could feel the weight of exceptions, of carefully laid plans and responsibility beginning to push on their delusion. It wasn't interrupting this time, waking them from dreams, it was crashing through it like waves raking across the shore, braking apart the fantasy of their double life, mixing the two sides together into the mess of weeds and salt and sand. The bubble of their delusion popped, he was here, not only Ben but the leader of the First Order together with the Face of the resistance not to kill or negotiate but to act as if their entire existences were nothing more than perfunctory qualms. They were here to confess—or at least express something not appropriate in the middle of a war. 

“Tell me why I shouldn't do it” Rey whispered, ignoring the ache in her muscles and the deep churning in her belly. She wasn’t sure what she was asking permission for. “I’ve felt you for so long now, but I’m just now realizing I don't actually know if I can trust you. What're days spent exploring each other's minds, knowing your memories, dreaming of you, wanting you? What do they mean if we are still going back to our war? How do I know if you didn't come to fuck me, then kill me, or cart me off back to Snoke?” Every anxiety that she had been scared to voice since that night in her room was beginning to flow freely inside of her. She looked onto his face, the beautiful, sharp face she had grown to obsess over, longing to study it closer. Make those lips breathe into hers, press against her skin like she had imagined so many times. Kiss every constellation, tangle her fingers into his sea of black silk hair; she wanted so badly to let her heart take control, but she couldn't let go of the sinking feeling of empty betrayal that had started to clash with the warm burn of her lust. 

Bens lips pressed together firmly, his eyebrows drawing down over his eyes. This wasn't the reception he had been expecting. She was calling for him, his omega had cum without him, and he intended to never let that happen again. He could feel every part of her pain and sadness and fear, It wasn’t a choice for him when he left the base, stole away with the fastest ship he could find just to follow her feeling, ignoring every call from commanders and generals to turn back. She wasn't an option for him, she was the only thing. He should be inside her by now, her scent was making him see stars, she was so ready for him…but her eyes were cautious and frightful; it tore every part of his soul apart. “You’re the one that called for me, Rey. You have _always_ been the one that called to me. I don’t know what the fuck we are supposed to do but the last few weeks haven’t been some plan! I’m sick of trying to fight the fact that I want you, that everything meant nothing because to be honest, they were the only things that kept me sane after having met you. I can’t keep denying that everything we have **both** been feeling isn’t something, not after all that's happened.” 

“After all what Kylo?” The other name stung when it came out of her mouth again. “That’s the point! I’m not denying anything, but if we do this if we— we won’t be able to pretend anymore. I want so badly to touch you, it feels physically impossible for me to stand so close without giving you everything. But if I touch you, you’re real, I can kiss you and feel you and I will inevitably let you do whatever you want to me, happily, and there, that’s the problem. I can’t let you be real in that way, I can’t remember your skin and kiss, then turn around when this is all over and try to kill you, be apart of a team whose goal it is to see you dead!” Tears were beginning to blur her vision, she sank into the feel of her burning muscles, clutching to the wrench like it was the only thing keeping her steady through her bodies cries to go to him. “The fact is, I’m scared. I’m terrified that we will just have this, this one small window to know what it would be like, then for the rest of my life go on knowing all the things I’ve lost; you, everything. I’m so happy you’re here, but I’m terrified of what happens when you have to leave.” It was as if her mind had cracked open and everything she had tried to hide from him and herself came spilling out. It was too much for Ben to bare, he could see the tears start to roll off her face and the sorrow ebb through the bond. 

Before she could react, his body was crushing into hers, strong arms tightly encasing her in the safety of alpha. Rey’s hands almost immediately dropped the wrench, neither of them hearing the clattering as it crashed down against the metal floors. She could feel every part of him, solid and giving, pressing into her, trying to convince her wordlessly that he was there, fixed to her no matter what. It felt indescribable, after all this time being able to feel his want as his skin smoothed over hers, revel in the intoxicating crush of strength as he held her closer than she had ever been before. She was in a dizzying euphoria in his arms, confused and blissed out. His hands moved across her back, lowering themselves until they found sanctuary on her pert ass, his fingers pressed into the soft, covered flesh as his nose raked along her jaw, breathing in her scent. She couldn't help but let down her guard a little and release a soft moan as he put to work the weeks of practice, of studying her wants and his own. As if by instinct, Reys hands unthinkingly linked around his neck, burying the hands into his beautiful soft hair and pulling his stature down lower so she could herself could drink in his sinfully pleasurable scent. It was everything to feel his lips on her, to have his hair whisp in her face as his nose nuzzled firmly into her scent glands. 

“I love you too” a soft voice whispered into the crook of her neck, barely audible through the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. When the words fell out though, it was as if they were the loudest things she had ever heard, everything stopped as they let them linger. Painfully, Rey extracted herself from her place on his neck and stared up at him, making sure there was no trace of surprise or regret. Warm, soft, fiery eyes kept her gaze, fear beginning to creep into them under her scrutiny and silence. It was more than enough, more than she could take.

Time remained still as she pulled his head closer, waiting for something to happen, to break this dream, but she only felt his head tilt, slotting into place. Neither of them willing to break eye contact for fear of missing a moment. His warm breath tickled at her lips, she could taste it as it flowed into her own mouth, like spiced tea and smoke. They were too close to see each other now, Rey’s eyes began to flutter shut, willing whatever gods or forces may be to let this happen. There was a pause, brief but pregnant in anticipation before finally, she could feel the soft, gentle brush of his lips against hers. It was heaven, feeling his kiss. 

It was all she needed to feel on fire, that simple act made her feel more hungry for him than she had ever before, every part of her body sang and hummed and set alight when, tentatively, he began pressing into the kiss deeper, exploring the feeling of her wanting lips reciprocating his. She was having a minor aneurysm at how slowly he was going and slow was not something she needed right now, not when every cell and gland and part of her was calling to be fucked, to be broken into her new omega status, to have the alpha who started this inside her, guiding her. She began nipping at his plush lip, swiping her tongue across the tender area, asking for entrance, which he greedily obliged to give. It felt like fire and velvet as the kissed, his body practically trying to absorb her as they let their mouths explore each other. It was heaven, or better, breathing without his breath seemed impossible, her heart had stopped beating, instead sending every current of electricity and stray bought of strength to her cunt and legs, which were battling out which was more important; standing or waves of pleasure pulsing so thoroughly through her core it was hard to remember she even had legs. 

In the end, pleasure won out, her knees began to buckle as she held tightly to his neck, trying to keep their lips and tongues entwined. Luckily his hands, still on her ass, were there to take her fall; pressing deeper into her flesh, he began to lift her off the floor and up his body, spreading her legs around his waist and making sure she settled on his hard cock, which was still pressed in the confines of his trousers. They couldn’t help but let their lips separate, moaning at the feeling of grinding into each other, another form of preamble as they felt each other through far too many layers of clothes. It was as if there was nothing but him or her and the bond that was practically sending lighting strikes between them in its excitement, as they gasped through the pain and pleasure of their situation. Rey couldn’t help but start to move her hips more vigorously, circling and stroking his erect member on her sensitive bud, gaining only more want from what little satisfaction it gave. His hands helped her press more thoroughly into him, move more agilely, but she could tell Ben’s frustrations were growing at the way his grip grew painfully more desperate.

She was breathy and quiet in her plea, “Ben, I can’t…I need—“

“I know, I can smell it. You’re so ready for me” He was practically panting. 

Planting his lips firmly back onto hers, Ben hoisted her up further on his body and took off towards the semi-circular sofa just meters away from them. It only took him two strides before he was laying her body down on the worn, white cushions that she had only hours before made her lonely entrance into her heat. His frame was caging over her, strong arms perched at either side of her head as one of his legs slid up between her own and pressed at the juncture. She couldn't help but feel small in his structure, she knew deep down, she should be scared, worried for the block of a man pinning her down, hardening at her scent; but Rey had never felt more powerful. She dragged her eyes down his body, taking in his pleading lips, the places where his muscles caught the fabric of his shirt and revelled in the pressure building in her core; she wanted him and he was going to make sure she was taken care of. It was primal and heady, Ben was ready to claim what they both so hard fought for and the thought sent butterflies through Rey. 

His mouth was moving everywhere, from her lips down her jaw, taking time to suckle at the tender flesh of her throat, down further still. His mouth stayed a while in the crook of her neck, so close to the gland that was throbbing at her nape when she felt his hand start to move up from her bottom. Rey could feel his finger tracing a line that curved around her hips, his hands slowly spreading to gently press into the supple skin of her lower belly, his palm pushing at the fabric that was stationed at her waist. His hands were calloused from years of training, but Rey rather liked the rough skin nipping at her, they reminded her of the teeth now scraping along down her chest, racing to meet his hands. Before they could properly converge though, his fingers found their way under the band of her trousers, her body lit up, in nerves and lust and excitement. She took to staring at the ceiling, breathing measured breaths, and trying not to cum just from his actions as he began pulling the fabric down, his hot breath shakily blooming on her stomach as he watched more of her be revealed. 

Unable to properly think, she followed his wordless requests, raising her hips slightly so the trousers could shimmy their way lower, past her knees, and eventually off her ankles. She hadn't realized Ben had slipped down with them, kneeling on the floor in front of her, until his hands reached up, caressing from her knees down to her thighs, taking in the feeling of the uncharted territory, requesting access to her dripping centre. Rey felt nothing but her clit throbbing, calling for his touch. Her body acted on its own accord, slowly unlocking her knees and spreading her legs; even the air felt stimulating to her heat crazed pussy. 

Rey felt his hands begin to slide along her inner thigh, every inch he covered lit up with electricity that pumped directly into her cunt, it was almost too much as she felt his fingers grow closer to it. Like he had done a thousand times in her head, finally, she felt the press of his fingertips on her clit and it was as if she was made of sparks. 

“Ben!” she moaned loudly as his touch grew surer in the wake of her breathy assurance. 

He began to roll tiny circles over the ball of nerves, her growing wetness making it easier for his fingers to slide quickly, as his other hand switched from adjusting her legs to holding her hips steady as she ground recklessly in time with his ministrations. She could feel the pulses of pleasure hit each time he explored a motion, the shocks making her fingers grab at the fabric of the bench, her nipples peaking and becoming so sensitive even the familiar feeling of her breast wrap was becoming too overstimulating. His hands felt so capable and deliberate like they were made to do this to her. Then, without warning, a long languid stroke of something warm, wet and strong pressed along her slit. Rey went to close her legs on instinct but the action was blocked by Ben's head; she could feel him smiling on her lips as he continued with more vigour. His mouth was even better, drinking from her, rolling and sucking her clit with its plush lips and malleable tongue, while his hand moved to press curious fingers inside. Rey's body immediately melted to the touch, she knew this wasn’t near enough to satiate the heat fully, but she couldn't help but moan and clamp down on the part of him inside of her. His fingers were much bigger than hers, she could almost find relief while her body revelled in the feeling of having something to hold onto, having just the tiniest bit of him inside. A pressure was building, it felt desperate like before, but not hollow not so lonely as she could feel him coaxing her to climax. The solid feeling of Ben pressing between her legs, his arms looping around them, steadying her hips as they tried to thrust into the feeling, his fingers quickening inside as she grew louder in her calls for him made her feel so much more whole. 

Just as she was ready to spill over the edge, she felt him pull away all at once, his fingers and mouth retracting at the same time like a punch in the gut. It was as if he had left the universe they had built just a few moments ago, him not touching her was like losing breathable air, it was catastrophic, she needs him. Immediately, her inner omega clawed its way to the fore-front, panic striking like a laser through her heart as she began to rise from her place calling his name. Before she could lift herself off the couch, his hands appeared back on her waist and she wasn't alone in their world anymore. His lips quickly found hers and she could feel him trying to soothe her emotions from the bond as his mouth worked its way to her neck nuzzling as close as he could to her mating gland. 

“I’m here, omega, I’m not leaving” It was low and tender sort of whisper, the kind only meant for her to hear. She nuzzled into his head as her hands worked on pulling him down; she wanted him back on her, she wanted the climax he had so quickly denied her, but he only smiled at her efforts and lifted his hands off. “You’re making it very hard for me to make sure I don't go full animal, you know.” He was laughing but she could tell it was the truth, he was trying to make sure she was comfortable, not to scare her, he didn't want to break this very fragile thread they were following. 

“Maybe I want you to…Alpha” There was no hint of coyness or teasing coming from Rey, it was a pure request, an assurance that they could give in to it, that she wanted to as much as he did. 

The sound of his pants being undone served as Bens answer. As soon as the sound of his zipper hit her ears, Rey’s hands immediately started on his shirt. Her shaking hands made quick work of the tunic buttons and before long she was ripping the fabric off his shoulders, her fingers eager to trace every inch of his naked chest. He moved to kiss her as more and more of his uniform fell off, joining her clothes on the floor, Everywhere he touched was burning, her second wave of heat was coming in at full force, being fanned by his forest scent that smelled like sex and home. Her cunt was aching with anticipation as she looked fully at Ben, his broad chest expanding with each heavy breath he drew in, the corded muscles of his shoulders, chest and abs tensed as he looked down at her, taking in vision of his omega, splayed out for him, every part of her calling him to fuck her. He could die happy with this memory, Ben thought, but there was little time to do much of that when a tiny pained moan escaped from Rey. Before he could move to her, a small warm touch began to trace up the shaft of his cock, which was now only covered by the thin black fabric of his boxer briefs. He buckled over her, resting his hand on the back of couch beside her head as Rey made her exploratory strokes. She was unafraid this time, curiosity and instinct making hard to look away from the massive bulge; she could see his excitement, the slight outline of his knot was hard to resist as she slid her hand back and forth over it, feeling it grow hot under her touch. Ben was gasping as she grew brave, tucking her hand swiftly under the elastic waist to feel him skin to skin, she could practically drown at the way her mouth was watering when she felt how hard he was, the slick pre-cum creating a perfect slip for her hand as it grasped his length, her small hands barely able to close around it, she marvelled at the idea of trying to fit him inside her, excited at the prospect of seeing how much of him she could take. 

Her trance was broken when a loud ripping sound came from her chest, her breast wrap fell to her sides in tattered ribbons as the middle gave way to Bens force. “I can’t wait any longer” His whisper was said to her neck as he began to push Rey down onto the couch, waiting until her back reached the cushions before he moved his mouth down to her nipple, only stopping once his mouth and teeth had settled on the pebbled, sensitive skin. Rey could barely hazard a reaction before her hand was pushed from his cock and pinned down by his mind. His hands worked on freeing his throbbing member, tearing the black fabric away and moving to settle himself between her legs before Rey could object to the distance. Removing his mouth from her breast he looked into her beautiful, flustered, blushed face as, ever so slowly, he ran the length of himself, from dripping head to base, up the slit of her, soaking himself in her slip. They both couldn't help but moan at the catches and felling of each other pressing into the one place they had longed to feel the other inhibit. Rey could feel the place where his knot would grow hovering over her opening, Ben could nearly feel her muscles tensing, trying to clamp down on him, gushing more wet in anticipation for him. Ben looked down at the place where they were so tenuously connected and took in their noticeable size difference, his cock lay on her stomach looking massive on top of her small frame, logically he knew he should be concerned about her, but the deep primal part exploded in excitement at the difference in size. He was drunk off the smell of her arousal and her heavy breathing was only making it hard to block out the alpha in him, excited to feel her tight cunt filled with every inch of him, feel her stretch around his knot as he filled her with cum.

Ben tried to steady himself, making sure he had the mental faculty to remember to go slowly, to not let his primal side go off. He didn't realize his eyes had closed until a warm delicate hand tucked itself under his jaw, strumming his cheek with its thumb. When he opened his eyes the soft hazel of Reys met him, an unspoken assurance of trust pushing into him not only through her stare but through the bond as well. A small smile pushed at the corner of her mouth as she pulled his head down to lay a long, languid kiss on his mouth. Rey slid her leg up to his frame, gently pressing his waist down until they finally felt his cock slide into her. It felt like the world came together then, with every inch he pushed in, Rey felt like she was being completed, until finally his hips hit her skin and he was fully sheathed inside her. She wanted to enjoy his feeling of fullness, of being whole but her heat was calling for him to move to stroke the need. Ben smiled on her lips, wordlessly agreeing to her demands as he began to grind into her body, stirring her want. 

Rey couldn't help but melt at the feeling of his massive cock moving inside her, her hips immediately started to move in tandem, working with his body to feed their need. “Ben, fuck me. Please I want it harder, I need-” she panted into his ear. A low growl erupted through his chest as his hips rose and swiftly thrust back into her. Rey dug her nails into his back and tightened her legs as his body slammed into her, filling and hitting her inside, each time drawing out more and more pleasure. His hand moved to her chest as he effortlessly massaged her nipple through the crushing rhythm of his hips, his lips moving to her scent gland as his pace began to speed. She could feel him growing bigger inside her, each time he entered her felt better than the last, she wanted to bite him, she wanted to come, she wanted to feel him come, she never wanted him to ever stop doing this to her, she didn't want to remember why she had been so hesitant to feel like this. Rey's mind was going blank, Bens mouth was locked on her neck, his arms had moved to her hips to help steady her body as he pumped into her harder and faster, ensuring each time the rapidly swelling knot entered her, letting her know his intentions. A bolt of excitement, of anticipation, was reeling through the force bond the closer they came to climax, he could feel Rey squeezing him, pulling him in deeper, her walls beckoning him back, urging him to come. His knot was getting full, and they could both feel each other starting to crumble.

“Rey, omega, fuck” He chanted as he pushed them closer. 

“Ben, come for me. Come in me, I want your knot, bite me!” Rey couldn't hear what she was saying, her mind was expelling every thought that came across it, but with her last demand, she felt him slam firmly into her. His knot locked them into place as they ground to the beat of Rey's pulsing walls, riding and extending the climax that shook through them both. All she could feel was herself being filled with waves of his cum, her body melting at her alpha locked inside, and the blinding flow of happiness and lust pushing into her from their bond. 

They panted into the dark ship walls, too exhausted and satiated to think of anything clever to say. Instead, Rey gently dragged her nails up his broad back and used what little energy she had left to stroke his head, taking time to play with his hair and lay soft touches on his mating gland. She could feel his lips planting small, delicate kisses along with the place he had been suckling on, the crook of her neck would surely be bruised. It felt strange in how soft this was, no danger, no resentment, no confusion. She could feel it from him too, contentment, calm, clarity. Ben started to shift, lifting his body weight back onto his arms to release Rey from his crush, but it served more in tugging at his knot, making them both moan and shiver at the way she squeezed around him tighter, releasing a fresh gush of cum. They laughed through the moan as Ben carefully picked Rey up and repositioned their tangle of limbs so that Rey sat, leaning against his chest, her legs spreading around his waist. As if by instinct or habit, Ben looped his large hands around her back and strummed on her mating gland. She could feel herself squeeze at the gesture, this time raising her head to kiss him as she felt the effects. She should be shuddering at the thought of Kylo Ren’s cock inside her, hands moving on her body, but looking at the face in front of her, feeling his force, she knew this was 100% Ben. The ease of his smile, the way his eyes held no fire, his hair sat dishevelled and rugged (how he could look hotter as a mess she would never know), he looked 100 years younger as he gazed at her studying his face. Not one trace of the man who had seen and felt such torment and pain. 

  
“How are you…are you okay, sore, I wasn't too…gah” Like a nervous teenager, a blush rushed onto the lily-white face of Ben and his brooding dark persona was forever shattered at the way he tried to cover his eyes with his hand to hide his embarrassment. Rey giggled light and musically at the sight, as Bens rouge deepened.

“I’m perfect, really, I’m…happy” She couldn't fight the smile she was trying to hide as his hand wiped down his face, revealing a small roguish grin.

“Alright, no need to get too smug about it, it's not like I was going to be a hard nut to crack while in heat” She rolled her eyes and put on her best quippy tone. 

“You know it’s very hard to take you seriously when I can literally still feel you squeezing my knot” His voice was low and his hands were pressing into her hips, moving her ever so slightly to elicit a small moan as she felt him shift inside her.

“Ben” she tried to force annoyance in her tone but the adrenaline was waining and her satiated body wanted to sleep and rest, prepare for the next time. Rey dropped her head into his neck, taking in his scent as she let the feeling of his happiness and knot and cum lull her omega brain into recuperation mode. His arms tightened around her, locking her in a hug as she leaned into his body heat.

“Ben” Her voice was quiet but serious.

“mmmh” he mumbled into the top of her head.

“I love you too” she felt a weight lift off her chest, finally saying the words out loud as she drifted off in his arms.

“I know” the last thing she felt was him pressing a kiss onto her crown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO SORRY it took me so long to update! I ended up getting three contracts all at once and then bam! it was the holidays, plus sex scenes are hard to write evidently! (this is my first time writing a legit sex scene so sorry if its a little janky)
> 
> I want to finish this fic and after watching *that movie* I want to make it happier than I was originally planning! I might make it shorter as well because like everyone else, I'm already starting a Ep.9 fix-it fic (stay tuned).
> 
> Hope you all had a good break, and enjoy the cute space wizards being happy!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did this for y'all but also for me (you would not believe how long it took me to figure out how to post an image, MY GOD).


	11. Old scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me take the time and actually THANK all of you SO MUCH for the support and comments! honestly, its made my day countless times to see people are actually enjoying this, so seriously form the bottom of my heart i love you, and thank you for taking the time to read my trash! <3 <3 <3 hope I can do right by all of you with this fic

Ben awoke still wrapped in her body; he hadn't slept long. He'd like to say it was because of the adrenaline or habit but he knew it was because he wanted to make sure that she was going to be there when he woke up. That he wouldn't find himself alone in his chambers, again, like so many times before. With the tips of his fingers, he brushed whips of stray hair away from Rey’s face as she slept soundly on his chest, gently tucking the chestnut locks behind her ear. Her face seemed so serine in that moment, cheek pressing against his skin, arms haphazardly thrown around him, limp in her calm, a smile touching her lips even through the fatigue. He didn't want to move, he wanted to bottle this moment, remember every detail. Feel as her force practically surrounded him, her warmth and happiness submerging them in its bask. The way she nuzzled into his neck, how she, even in sleep, even in his softness, was careful to keep him inside her. 

He moved his hand back onto her body, feeling and tracing the curves of her, running a gentle touch along the places he had dreamed of caressing. He knew this was fragile, that they were in yet another bubble that would eventually break, but strangely she was the only thing that felt solid and real and worth it right now, holding her felt like being on stable ground for the first time. He tried to think of what kept him from finding her before, he could barely remember the person that had swung a sabre at her all those months ago, adamant he would bring her death. He fought himself, her, for so long, only willing to indulge if that meant he could clear her from himself for a little while. But he found himself instead being pulled into her more, worrying about her when strikes hit, thinking about her when he allowed his mind to wander, getting almost giddy at the revelation that _he_ was the one causing her breakthrough heat. Slowly he stopped fighting the urge to feel her, letting himself revel in the small pockets of sunshine she brought, letting her carve out a place in his mind where she could stay. That was the extent he was going to go, let her take up space in his mind, safe from the distance, locked away with all the other things he found hard to let go of, the pieces of himself that remained hidden to everyone but her….then, the alpha in the bathroom shattered the illusion he had been building. 

He had been so careful in his thoughts about her, sure that he could dismiss her easily when the time came, know his place when they inevitably met again. But seeing her come so close to slipping away from him, feel her grow colder in her rage and fear, her force callous over with the same ice he recognized as the dark, everything changed. He knew, from that moment, she was sun keeping him alive, she was _his_ omega, _his_ Rey. 

_His._

no-one else's. 

It was a blur of memory and rage and the need to find her, to protect her, keep her safe. He remembered bits and pieces of his scramble off the ship. The pain of leaving her head to fight off the generals and troopers who had been startled and thrown back by his force push, the sound of boots growing distant as he put every ounce of energy into his legs, his speed, his need to go to her. Voices yelling, alarms screaming, the inside of the tie-fighter he commandeered echoing his shaky breath back to him. He was blind, with anger, with worry, he needed to know she was safe, that she was his to fuck, to love, to claim….to mate. Then finally her feeling reaching out through his panic, her voice salving his broken state. 

He still couldn't really fathom her,here, how she kissed him and said she loved him.

_She loved him!_

His fingers pressed into her skin a little deeper as he tried to calm himself from the memory, as she shifted at the feeling, arranging her hips a little closer to him and resting her cool hand against his warm chest. Absentmindedly, Ben grasped her fingers, warming them in his large hands as he studied her. She couldn't mean it, not really, it was the heat, the moment. Who could love someone trying so hard to be hated? She was much too bright to be associated with his black hole of a life.

“ _Bite me!”_

She had called out those words to him, permission to pull her down, pluck the sun from the sky and steal it away for himself. It would have been so easy, he thought as he moved the hair from her back, looking down at exposed gland. His mouth watered at the sight, she would smell like him, actually smell like him, his mate… _finally_. 

He ripped his hands away from her and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath of air from his nose. It was a loose approximation, her sent bathed in his, her body full of his cum, but it was enough to calm his alpha sensibilities. Even if just for now, until she realized who he was, until she cleared her head from her heat, until she didn't smell like him on the inside anymore and remembered she hated him; she was his, just for now.

Her eyebrows knit together as she began to stir, squeezing his fingers that were wrapped around her hand softly and shifting her head so it swivelled upwards to look at his. Hazel eyes gleamed at him in the low light, their eyelids still heavy from sleep, “You’re still here.” She smiled brightly at him and he swore he could feel his heart stop. She was going to kill him.

Ben tried to fight the pull at the corners of his mouth but it was nearly impossible to do so when he was looking at her face. “I’m not going anywhere” he moved his free arm tightly around her in a firm hug, ducking his head to kiss her forehead. He could smell her heat tickling the edge of his nose, she was getting close to another round, and it didn't help that he was reacting in turn. Before he could get a word about water or food out, Reys hands were tangled in his hair, lips nibbling and kissing his own. Her cunt was growing wetter as her heat spurred her into a more frantic state, hips starting to move on him, willing him to grow hard as she laid sloppy kisses onto him through a smiling mouth. 

Ben was trying to fight the smell of her lust, how the way she was moving was stirring up the scent of them, the way he could feel his cum leaking out of her and how all he wanted to do was push it back in or give her more. _God_ , his alpha side had never been like this. “Rey… _fuck-_ we need to eat, we need-”

“I need _you_ alpha” She breathed into his mouth as her hips wiggled, knocking Ben’s quickly hardening cock out of her. She moaned at the loss but was far too occupied by his lips to bother concerning herself with it.

“I know, I can feel you want it. Just be a good girl and eat first.” Ben managed to meekly say between her breathy pleas and soft lips. His voice was audibly straining in its attempt not to whisper, to coo at what a good omega she was being. Hungry for him, taking what she wanted from her alpha. His hands were already on her ass as she slid back and forth on his now uncomfortably hard member, wetting it with her slick. 

“Ben, please.” Her voice was almost painful to hear, he lost all semblance of will power at her plea.

Lifting her swiftly, Ben lined himself up with her dripping centre and wasted no time sheathing himself inside. He could feel her fingers pull at his hair as he began bouncing her hips on top of him, revealing in the sound their skin made as it violently slapped together. She was tight and warm and so wet for him, constricting and pulling him in like she never wanted him to leave. She began to thrust in time with his crushing pace as he hazarded to move a hand to her breast, revelling in the loud moans she began calling out as he took hold of her nipple, tweaking and massaging the sensitive pebbled skin. He could feel her melting under his grasp, as he positioned himself to hit the lovely spot inside her that made her scream and gush and tighten more around him. Ben could die happy, he thought, knowing what she felt like when she was about to cum. And to be honest, Ben never really thought he was going to die happy until this moment. 

“Ahh, Ben, yes! You feel so good. I cant—i cant wai—I’m cum—” Before Ben had time to slow, he could feel Rey's walls being to constrict around him, her sweet cum spilling down his shaft, wetting their laps in its usual omega excess. She was practically shuddering at the effects of her climax, chest heaving in his grasp; she looked like a vision, hair loose and tumbling around her shoulders, perfect as she closed her eyes on flushed cheeks in ecstasy and squeezed him firmly, enjoying every wave of pleasure he had given. Ben couldn’t help but move his hips with her pulses, feeling her coax his climax with the remanence of her own as she yelped at the overstimulation.He could feel his knot begin to grow more as she dug her nails deeper into his skin, pressing firmly, like a bite, into his mating gland.

“Tell me what you want Rey” Ben taunted in a low growl. “Do you want me to fill you up? Do you want my knot omega?” She didn't say much other than his name repeated in moans, but her body tensed at the suggestion, pulling him closer as she nuzzled her head into his neck kissing (and licking) the sensitive scent glands that laid there. He could tell she was grinding her hips deeper into his own, making sure every inch of him was being pulled and suckled by her shuddering walls. “This is unreal, fuck, I want you to smell like me. I want to cum so deep you’re going to have my scent inside you forever…Rey…Good girl, good omega.” Bens alpha mind was driving his every thought, only being fed by the way she squeezed and moaned at the words tumbling from his hindbrain. His knot was filling, with a firm grip on her ass Ben pressed Rey's hips further into his own, making sure she was getting every inch of the cock she was calling for. Strong hands held her down as he let her grind and wiggle on him, begging for his release. She didn't have to wait long before he felt himself crest; every muscle tensing, holding her in position to make sure he popped inside, locking them together, releasing a steady stream into her as a second orgasm from Rey helped move his seed deeper inside of her. Her nails clawed at his back, breaking skin and Ben swore he could feel the universe almost clicking into place at the bastardized mark she was leaving on him.

He watched as her breasts heaved with her breath, shining with a layer of sweat from her heat, her face falling from its silent scream into a calm smile. Ben didn't realize he was staring until a quiet giggle bubbled in her throat. Rey turned her head down, her hazel eyes meeting his own for only a second before she stooped from her position to catch his open mouth in a deep kiss. “Sorry” she laughed after she detangled her tongue from his, her hair making a curtain around their faces as she leaned her forehead against his own, “I just…saw you and I couldn't stop myself.”

A smile broke apart Bens face as he moved to slowly tuck her hair behind her ears, a lame excuse to stroke her flushed cheeks that he had come to love, “Never apologize for letting me do that to you.” She looked at him with a playful, quizzical smile as she leaned back, unashamedly dragging her eyes downwards towards their waists. He could tell the image excited her as much as him, he could feel her tense through the force as her eyes wandered over the mess of limbs and muscles and hair connecting and laying over top of one another. Bens hand moved between them, placing his large palm over her lower stomach, stoking the soft flesh there with his thumb as he admired the way her legs bent around him, how their bodies looked when connected, seeing himself disappear inside her. A low simmering heat built as he touched the place he knew he was filling inside her, picturing the mess of cum he had released, that she had let him release, painting her walls. It wasn't hard for his mind to wander into picturing her stomach swollen with his baby— _Whoa down boy!_ he caught himself before the thought could gain traction and pass into Reys mind. They really did not need to complicate this any more than it already was, plus he didn't want to scare her while they were literally attached at the hips. 

He shook his head slightly, trying to expel the more primal urges and slid his hand around her waist until it met his other at the small of her back.

“Well, we are in a little bit of a predicament. I was supposed to make sure you eat, but I don't know if I can manoeuvre with us like…this” He drug his eyes onto her face. 

Rey let out a little sigh and slouched leaning into his frame a little more as she scrunched her nose in thought. Ben could feel butterflies erupt in his stomach as her stared at her easy beauty, he hadn't gotten butterflies since…ever. 

“None of the pamphlets really tell you what to do once the knot is inside you, they should really think about putting a section in there with conversation starters” Rey flashed a quick, almost nervous, smile.

“Pamphlets?” Ben queried, Rey's flush grew deeper as she cleared her throat in habit.

“Ohh, I guess normal people don't really have to deal with learning how to be a completely different designation.” there was hint of…embarrassment, anxiety? in her tone.“When I changed the resist—the doctor gave me some materials to help me…understand, prepare me, I guess…”She was being cautious not to meet his eyes. 

They hadn't discussed the strange circumstances that brought them here, to be frank, when this was imaginary, it seemed like wasted time. But now in the full mix of things, it seemed important to let her know he couldn’t care less about how she got to be tangled up with him. 

She pondered for a moment, dipping a toe into a deeper train of thought before deciding to ask. “Do you think it was the force? I don't know how or why it would have—when I was changing, it was so painful and confusing, but more than anything it felt like being pushed, or pulled, by something…towards you. Like I was moulding to fit into this Ben sized hole, but it felt…like I was always supposed to be that like it had always been there and connecting with you just made me realize it. It felt…deep and old, like the…” Rey trailed off, her voice had sounded like it was coming from a trance. The flurry of change that had been the past few weeks was settling into her in the quiet calm. Finally not running, not fighting, not changing, Rey was able to sit with her questions for the first time. 

It stung, hearing her half voice his fears about their predicament. “If it wasn't the force, would you still be here? Would you still let me…” he couldn't finish. Ben had been a whim to the force, to the dark, to the light, the sith, the Jedi his entire life and he couldn't help but hope that this, Rey, was just his. Not called, not preordained, not expected, but chosen _by her_ to be here with him. He felt a gentle brush against his cheek, pushing the hair back from his face.

Rey looked at him sincerely, “I don't know. I don't know if I would have been here right now had it not been for…everything.” A twang of pain shot through his heart at the words. It was small but noticeable enough for Rey to take notice. Noticeable enough for her to make his eyes meet hers, to force him to see the sincerity and love that swam there as she spoke to him. “ But I kissed you when I was a beta, I chose to let you in my head, to call out to you, to fall in love. I’ve spent my whole life wondering how it would’ve changed if one thing was different if one decision hadn’t been made, but with you, I don't want to think how it could have been different. Make no mistake Ben, I’m glad I’m here, now, with you. I wouldn't change this.” She pressed a small kiss onto his lips. It wasn't desperate like before, fuelled by lust, but soft and reassuring, and familiar. He could feel her tighten around him as he kissed her back.

“You fell in love with me when you were a beta, huh? Was it when I was interrogating you or swinging my sabre at your head?” Ben laughed, nervously, basking in the dark, self-deprecating humour he had settled into long ago, trying to break the silence. 

Rey tilted her head slightly as she thought, lips pursing. “I don't know when I did, to be honest. I think I was hiding it for a long time, masking it, even from me.” He wasn't expecting her to answer so candidly. Ben could feel an openness in her force like she was letting him see her bones, her secrets. “I know when I realized it myself, though. When it became too big to hide.” a small smile quirked on her lips as she let the memories flow between them wordlessly. It was odd feeling them through her, his memories, the small moments he locked away inside himself, the pain and bittersweetness failing to come through in her own projection of his childhood.

Ben swallowed hard, tensing his jaw. He didn't like to revisit those parts in his life, pick at a wound that had calloused and scared so long ago. The stream cut as Rey noticed his unease; placing her hands on his chest, she drew tiny circles with the tips of her fingers as she sat waiting for him to return. He could feel her omega sensibilities kick in as she worked on calming him down through her touch and bond. The discomfort of the conversation hung in silence for a long while before either of them felt brave enough to disturb it once more. 

“It’s just…hard to think of that.” He said through clenched teeth. “It’s hard to let go of them. But my life before, it wasn’t just that, what you saw. They're just…the handful of moments that made me realize what I could have had. I couldn't stand all of them just waiting for me to—“ he felt a lump catch in his throat, he had never spoken about this pain, not like this, not without trying to coat the sadness in anger, ignore the pain. He was finding it hard to turn the stones he had tried his whole life to forget were even there.

“I can’t remember them ever seeing me as their son, to Luke and my father….my mother, I was always just a reminder. Of my grandfathers legacy, of fear, the parasite that would turn their new world black again.” He felt her fingers stop, her hands spreading on his skin instead, like the more contact she made would help his turmoil. He’d be lying if he said it didn't a little. “I remember the first time I used it, I had been trying for hours and I finally managed to move that stupid glass, like Luke showed me. But all I could see was the tiny fleck of fear that passed through their faces, and it only grew more as I did, as my powers did, as my anger did. They were terrified of me, I swear my mother would have traded me in for non-force user if she had the chance, just so she couldn't see so much him, her father.”

Rey was cautious as she spoke, keeping her voice soft “Leia and Han love you, your family loves you. They’re fighting this war to—“

“They’re fighting their own guilt! That they couldn't keep the peace, that their systems failed, that they—they even had me. They can't handle the fact that they’re the ones that brought the dark side back. I’ve known it for a long time, they do too. There is a reason those memories stop so early, Rey, they saw the darkness in me and decided to run, to throw me away…I know you understand what that feels like”

I hot flash of anger peeled at Rey's nerves, how could even compare his parents to hers, they didn't abandon him! They are still fighting to get him back, they didn't leave him an indentured servant on a planet with no future, and no indication of when they were returning. Tears began stinging her eyes in frustration as she fought the urge to pull away from him, painfully aware that his knot was still inflated enough to make any movement uncomfortable. She took in a long breath to cool her seething nerves, it did little to deter her from speaking through a clenched jaw. “Actually I don’t, because I don't have any memories of my parents, I don't have anything to hold on to. I don't have laughs to remember, or how they said my name, or birthdays, Ben—I don’t even know when my actual birthday is.” 

He knew better than to touch her, he could feel her pushing at him through the bond trying to give herself distance to feel; this wasn't something she’d been used to talking about either, the deep anxieties she’d felt, the wayward nature of her own self. They were small flashes but he could feel all of them, every emotion and cold night.A small girl huddling in the hollows of dead ships, fighting for warmth and food, ungraceful child hands bandaging wounds much too big for such youth, a million times being woken at the sound of distant ships, the disappointment slowly lessening the more she came to understand, to expect them not to come to her. He wanted to reach out at every memory of falls, broken ribs, hungry weeks, blows to the face and back from angry junk traders and thieves. 

As he watched and felt her, there was nothing he wanted more than to pluck his omega from that life, change her memories into happy ones, warm her, soothe her, make her life everything she’d ever dreamed of, rip those who dared touch her to shreds. He could feel his muscles fighting and aching at their uselessness in their ability to protect her from his place in the present. There was a sense of hollowness to her memories, they were void of safety, and love, life, nothing like how she felt now. 

“I’ve never had a family, or somewhere to call home, somewhere to go back to. Leia’s been the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mother, but I’ll never be her daughter. And it pains me to see her heart breaking every day her son, you, are away from her. I’m not saying she's perfect, or that she's not scared or angry or hates you or feels guilty for everything that's happened, but I know she still loves you, Ben. I know she’s fighting this war because above everything else she wants her son back, her family. I might be putting too much of myself into it, but I wouldn't give that type of love up for the galaxy.”

Ben let her words sink into his mind, battling with the thoughts he had let fester there for years, challenging the narratives he had spun about his life, his mother, himself. As he pondered, a question stabbed at the tread; “Is that why you knew then, that you loved me? Because you saw my mother did once?” it sounded meek, like he didn't want to ask it.

“No, Ben” she breathed, “I knew it because of how it felt, not what I saw. It was like I knew that feeling of you was what I was being called to, the feeling of Ben. I don’t know how to describe it, but the when I felt you there uninhibited by the walls you put up under the mask, how you feel now and in my head when we speak, it feels like the closest thing I’ve ever felt to being home, to belonging somewhere. I knew I loved you then because I didn't know any other way I could feel about you after that.” Rey began pulling him back into her, like she couldn't stand not being close for that long of a time. 

Ben was reeling at the influx of emotions he was feeling, emotions he hadn't let himself have in many years. It was a surprise to feel the prickling of tears start, a sensation he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager, but the reasons were entirely different this time.

“You’re not…scared? You're not worried about the darkness?” he knew the answer as he asked, he could feel it, he just needed to hear her say it. Someone say it.

Rey thought for a moment gathering her thoughts, he could feel her turning his force over in her head, like she was weighing it. “No, because it’s part of you, it’s part of everything. When I was training, I felt the force in a way I never had, the balance it struck. I felt the light but the dark as well, not as evil or corruption, but as the other half, as the night to the day. That’s how you feel, you're not dark, or light but—“

“Grey” Ben finished. He knew because that how she felt to him, how they felt when they let their bond connect and grow. Their force wasn't the repressive narrow view of light that Luke had tried to force him into, that the Jedi council of old tried to convince themselves of being, nor was it the nothingness that slithered in the side of the Sith. It was entirely balanced, natural in a way; it felt so odd hearing another Jedi speak of the dark not as something to fear, but as the other half. To someone that had been fighting a half of their nature their entire life, it made him feel whole to hear her say he didn't need to. 

Before either of them could think of what to say next, the pressure at their hips released, Bens knot had deflated enough to allow them to come undone. He leaned in to languidly kiss her as he picked her up from his lap and settled her feet back on the floor, not without a slight protest from his omega, who pulled him in to deepen the kiss before relinquishing her grip on his hair and let her body drift away from him for the first time in nearly a day. He could see her thigh start to glisten as their mess started to run down her leg, and it was everything he could do to fight the urge to push it back in, pin her down and make sure she was full up of him. That alpha train of thought was thankfully broken by a loud grumble coming from Reys stomach, reminding him of the other side of his duties. 

Lifting himself from the couch, Ben grabbed her hips and lowered his mouth the her ear, making sure to dodge her lips as they tried to catch his own on his way down. “Alright, scavenger, before we get too carried away again, you need to be a good girl and eat something. Did those rebels give you any food for the trip?”

She nuzzled his neck as she freed a hand from his cage and pointed to the storage cupboards across from them, “Its not much, but Finn put some in there. I already drank the water, it was a bit of an…unexpected departure.” 

“Why don't you go to my ship and get the supplies I stored for you and meet me back here. The sooner we can get you replenished the sooner we can start to wear you out again.” With a quick nip at her ear, Ben slid his hands off her body once more and started off towards the storage bins. She knew she couldn't hazard a glance without unwittingly finding herself wrapped up in him again, so with sigh passed through her easy smile, Rey began padding her way towards the hatch he had wrenched open. 

In her daze she nearly missed the slight beeping that was coming from her cockpit, a faint light pulsing in time with the mechanical chirp. She stopped at the hall door, watching the faded white turn green with every pin prick reminder; her stomach started to turn as she realized what she had forgotten, the point of her mission.

Not Ben. 

Supplies, _important_ supplies. Important shots…

_“just don't do anything too stupid”_ Rose’s words ran through her head as she absent-mindedly touched a hand to her stomach. 

_You idiot!_ her voice rang through her head loudly as she bounded into the small quarter, dodging the pilots chairs and situating herself squarely in front of the radar. The ship was still far enough out to make contact, maybe if she was quick enough the birth control shots could take hold before anything else did.

_I’m sure the hours of unprotected sex and cum won’t matter,_ her own cynical voice chimed in her head. She deftly moved her fingers across the control panel, signalling the ship to confirm contact via radio, and trying to ignore the steady stream of insults her inner voice was hurling at herself. 

She felt his nervous energy before she heard his footsteps, and she swore she could feel the air leave her body. Oh god how was she going to tell him that she—

“Rey! Are you okay, I could hear you yelling, I felt you…What?” She couldn't turn around, she couldn't face him, how was she going to tell him she was so stupid she had forgotten the One thing she was supposed to do? That they might—he might be in for so much more than what he had bargained for.

“Rey you’re scaring me, I cant hear you, what happened?” she could feel him start to reach out for her shoulder but she turned before his hand could reach her. 

Her eyes were swimming with anxiety as she spoke frantically. “I’m sorry I should have told you , I cut you out before you could hear Kaiboff, and I was supposed get them before, but then you were there and I couldn’t remember! I’m sorry, and I don't even know if I am but I—“

“Rey, calm down I cant understand you like this” His hindbrain was going into overdrive, his omega is crying! his omega is stressed! Calm her! Sooth her! Your mate is upset! He gathered her in his arms, pressing as hard as he could into her mating gland as he let her sink into his skin, her shaky quick breaths warming his chest. “Its okay Rey, what you didn't tell me, I don't care. Just please, breathe for me.”

“No Ben! It’s not okay, I don't have anything! I— I don't have my shots, that’s why I was out here to get them from the sister bases relay. Ben you got here before I could…I should have stopped it and told you! I’m an omega in breakthrough heat, being taken care of by the alpha that caused it, I don't know much about being this designation, but I know enough to understand our odds.” She trailed off, hiding her face in his pecs and her curtain of hair.

He couldn’t quite hone in on the reason his heart stopped, but his guess was the flash of his mate, Rey, melting at the face of heir baby as it snuggled in her arms. He couldn't fathom the happiness that image brought him, it was as if, for the first time in his life he knew exactly where he was supposed to be going. Slowly, with soft hands, Ben nudged her face up until she was looking at his own. He tried to gather his thoughts, the words in his head into a coherent proposal, making sure he was surrounding her in his force full of love and calm before he began to speak 

“Rey I—“ 

“Good of you to surrender so quickly, you resistance brat.” the air stilled between them as the smarmy accented voice dialled in through the radio. “Although I must say I was expecting more a fight from our esteemed second in command, in any case, Supreme Leader Snoke will be quite pleased to hear Kylo Ren and his omega bitch will be arriving back shortly. I’m sure he’ll have much to discuss with his deserter apprentice, I do hope the lay was worth it Ren.” Hux laughed as the comm cut-out communications. 

They stayed staring at each other as the ship began its alarms as the manual and auto control functions were overridden and locked, the tractor beams sinking their claws into the falcon, jostling it as it began to drag them behind the ship, back towards the Supremacy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just take a moment and LAUGH at my past self for thinking that I could write a short little fic? seriously I was trying to shorten this story and decided, fuck it, it's going to be long so I hope you all are okay with that! Anyways thanks for reading and so sorry it's taken me a bit to get this up because work has been BONKERS busy!


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